Heart Home❤️

Today is Terri Luanna’s 46th Birthday…

Here she is ringing in 37—pre-cancer, a little over a year after her mother died, teeming with life.

 

Hands down, that was my favorite birthday celebration with her. Terri had an enhanced capacity for cultivating contagious bliss, so naturally, when she invited us to celebrate in her beloved heart home, NYC, we all followed.

What’s a heart home?

Miss M and I coined the term the day she left her beloved Niantic to move to Dartmouth a little over three years ago.

Walking hand in hand through the searing grief of having to say goodbye (yet again), I turned on her new favorite Pandora station, Kelly Clarkson, when we got in the car.

At one point, Miss M commented, “These songs are talking about our day.”

The name of the song she was referring to? Home…

“You’re right,” I replied. “I think it’s Mamãe’s way of telling us she understands we are sad about leaving CT but she is so happy you are moving to Dartmouth. And you know what honey? Home is really where the people you love are. And Mamãe is always with you. No matter where you are.”

I could tell she wasn’t fully buying it.

“Have you ever heard of a heart home?” I asked.

“What’s a heart home?”

“There are certain places in our lives that stay with us forever. When I was eight and my Dad died, we had to move from Chatham to Dartmouth. I was so sad, just like you. To this day, of all the places Auntie’s been, all over the world, Chatham is my heart home. It’s the place that holds my most precious memories. Where I was the happiest. Chatham will always be my heart home because that’s where I have the most memories of my Dad.”

“Niantic is definitely my heart home,” she immediately replied.

“Yes it is. Where do you think Mamãe’s heart home was?”

Without a moment’s hesitation she exclaimed, “New York!”

“Absolutely! Mamãe LOVED New York. The people, the culture, the energy. And most importantly, because that’s where you were born.”

Thinking back to that conversation, the solution to what to do for Terri’s birthday this year finally materialized. I immediately google duoed Miss M. For those of you who have no idea what the hell google duo is, I didn’t either till Miss M taught me. Think Facetime for androids!

“So, Papai told me you guys are planting tulips for Mamãe’s birthday?”

“Yup! We bought red ones!”

“She’ll love those! Do you have any idea what you and I should do? We were at Runway for Recovery last year, remember?”

“Yah, that was awesome! I’m not sure what we should do this year…”

“Well, since Mamãe’s bench at Astoria Park is still surrounded by construction, I wasn’t sure either. But I had a visit from Mamãe yesterday, I’ll tell you about that later, and I think she’d like it if we went to your heart home.”

“My heart home?”

“Yes… Your heart home.”

“Ohhhhh!!! You mean Niantic??”

“Yes! I called Judy, and she and Kylie are free so I thought we could go to Rocky Neck for a picnic and a hike. What do you think?’

“YES!!!” she squealed.

Later that afternoon I stopped by Miss M’s to help her pick out a few outfits for her empowerHER interview on Saturday. We agreed we had to invite Kristina and Isaak to Mamãe’s birthday celebration too, and when they exuberantly replied in the affirmative, this is the photo Miss M and I sent them in response—

As always, Terri Luanna orchestrated a magical day for us. Sitting on the exact same rock where she meditated, we laughed, we loved, we remembered, and we celebrated.

But it was in our final few moments together with Papai and his girlfriend, Sonia, that Terri’s spirit truly enfolded us with her radiant love.

Placing a larger than life pink Story Wear book on the counter at Miss M’s house, I asked Miss M and Papai if they remembered what was in it. Papai remembered it was a gift from Nana Canada, and Miss M added it held a fluffy, white coat and hat she wore as a baby.

I then proceeded to tell them about my Mamãe visit.

The book sat atop a tall bookcase in Miss M’s bedroom at my house. It was indeed a gift from Nana Canada for Terri’s baby shower. One that I found in an airport in Alaska.

While waiting for a connecting flight home from Vancouver, I  had a heart wrenching conversation with my sister, Jeanne, whom I had just left. Jeanne was beside herself because she wouldn’t be able to attend Terri’s shower due to her recent abdominal surgery to excise the raging cancer that had overtaken her body.

On my way to my gate, I noticed the book in a window. Once I laid eyes on its contents, I immediately knew I needed to buy it for Jeanne.

As you can see it was a huge hit…

Back to my visit with Terri.

Reaching for what looked like a towel on the floor of Miss M’s bedroom at my house, I realized it was, in fact, not a towel, but Miss M’s fluffy white coat that had somehow fallen out of the box. Looking up, the cover to the Story Wear book was wide open…

Mind you, that box had been sitting atop that bookcase for years. Closed.

Taking it down, I lay it on the bed to put the coat back in. Terri’s presence suddenly filled the room. Gazing inside, the box seemed surprisingly full given the coat lay beside it on the bed. Taking out the matching hat and muff, I reached for the remaining garment.

Tears sprang to my eyes as I beheld Terri Luanna’s whimsical wedding dress created for her by Nicole Miller. A vague memory emerged of placing it in the box when we cleaned out Terri’s closet. Terri’s voice whispered in my ear and I knew where it belonged.

 

Miss M adoringly took her Mamãe’s wedding dress from Papai, wondrously holding it up to her lithe body, where it finally found its heart home…

In the arms of her cherished daughter❤️

Happy birthday my love,

Auntie L