Graceful Woman Warrior: In touching book, Dartmouth woman keeps a promise to her late niece

Four years after the passing of Terri Luanna da Silva, Dartmouth retiree Laurie O’Neil will fulfill her promise to her niece by publishing a book on Dec. 9.

Da Silva’s posthumous memoir, “Graceful Woman Warrior: A Story Of Mindfully Living In The Face Of Dying,” co-written by her 9-year-old daughter Marisa, offers a bold blueprint for navigating the sacred cycles of life and death. The co-authors weave da Silva’s triumphant and tragic story together, creating a transformative and poignant tapestry of the journey between, through and beyond life and death.

Facing a Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer diagnosis at 37, da Silva began an inspirational blog called “Graceful Woman Warrior,” followed by thousands of people all over the world.

Exploring motherhood, marriage, spirituality, self-discovery, grief and loss, da Silva’s story not only enlightens, it inspires readers to create the lives they envision for themselves.

“We all have our battles to face. Our demons. Our tragedies and difficult situations with which to contend,” da Silva wrote. “Whether it’s cancer, homelessness, bankruptcy, divorce, unemployment, infertility… At some point, we all reach a crossroads in our life. These challenges shake us to our core. Humble us. Jolt us awake. Then we have the choice to either keep trying to return to what was, or to embrace the change and redefine ourselves and our realities. Why not seek to live a better life? What have you got to lose?”

Da Silva’s powerful words are reaching the public in book form thanks to O’Neil, who is retired from Dartmouth Public Schools. Marisa, who contributed to the book, is in the fourth grade at James M. Quinn Elementary School. Her father is Heron da Silva of Dartmouth.

“I promised Terri when she was dying I would someday publish her blog, and four years to the day she died, I am doing just that,” O’Neil said.

O’Neil is a lifelong writer, psychotherapist, retired school social worker, author and speaker who specializes in grief and loss.

Jo-Ann Simmons watched O’Neil, her close friend, through the journey to complete da Silva’s work.

“Hearing of the wonderful people she has met, the places this process has taken her as well as Marisa is compelling and speaks of love,” Simmons said. “Love shines in the telling of this young woman’s journey through traditional and non-traditional medicine. It brings an awareness that there are options in the journey of disease.”

Jeanne Moore, also O’Neil’s niece, said thinking of the book brings back memories of the “bittersweet journey” that was da Silva’s illness.

“Since Terri wrote the story first, as her own blog in real time, I think of her at her computer, weaving thoughts together in the moments she could steal away from being a cancer patient, a mother to Marisa, a wife to Heron,” Moore said. “They were traveling quite a bit during that time, and eventually made a habit of coming to stay in my one-bedroom apartment with me in Astoria, Queens, with some regularity. Terri’s illness progressed as her daughter grew. I always looked forward to their visits, and it became a true gift, that time together. Time. So precious.”

Peggy Barry called her friend O’Neil a deep thinker and true warrior who gives of herself and makes a difference within her wide circle of family and friends. She said reading and re-reading da Silva’s blog was difficult at times. “I believe Laurie’s promise to tell Teri’s story moved her forward so that her message would be read by many,” she said.

Erin Ban, O’Neil’s daughter, said she has long known her mother to be a nurturer, caregiver and gifted writer.

“It fills me with immense pride to watch her share her talent, and my cousin Terri’s story, with the world through this book,” Ban said. “Although the story is technically about Terri’s cancer journey, the ‘grace lessons’ contained within ‘Graceful Woman Warrior’ can and should be applied to any challenge that life may throw in your path.”

“Grace lessons” are what family and friends have come to call the underlying messages in da Silva’s words, according to Moore.

O’Neil spent countless hours writing, proofing, formatting, rewriting, attending seminars and conference calls, researching and reaching out to publishers and website designers, according to O’Neil’s sister-in-law Peggy Verroneau.

“I am incredibly honored to witness Laurie fulfill her promise to Terri. Laurie was determined to bring this promise she made to Terri, in her final hours, to fruition no (matter) what and no matter how long it took her,” Verroneau said. “She has experienced all of the highs and lows, laughs and tears, frustrations and feelings of accomplishment one would expect doing a project like this. … Her promise to Terri would have Laurie reliving all of the heartache and yes, some joy, that her and Terri endured through this breast cancer battle. At the same time, she was helping a very young Marisa navigate through the many emotions and answering the most difficult questions about her mother that no small child should be asking.”

Jamie O’Neil, one of O’Neil’s daughters, said her mother’s answer to the question “Why do you do it?” would be “We show up.” The question, Jamie O’Neil explained, is most likely asked in reaction to some generous act to which O’Neil has devoted her own time, energy and effort.

When da Silva was diagnosed with cancer, O’Neil “showed up” in a big way, assisting with medical appointments; traveling to Ohio and then Connecticut, where da Silva’s family was living; and helping however else she could, Jamie O’Neil said. “It doesn’t matter the literal and emotional mileage it took on my mother. Time and again, she continues to show up. Seeing the dedication and perseverance my mother has shown as she navigates self-publishing as a first-time author is unbelievable. She will not quit. As she says, she will continue to show up for Terri, for Marisa, and Terri’s book is just the latest example of that.”

Moore said the time that has passed between da Silva’s death and the publication of the book has “allowed a new vantage point to evolve,” offering time to reflect on the story and the grace lessons within. Those lessons are the reason the book will resonate with people who never met da Silva, Moore said.

“Terri’s bravery, strength, dedication, tenacity, executed with such dignity, honor and poise — these are the grace lessons that can be lifted from ‘Graceful Woman Warrior’ and applied to any number of life’s challenges,” Moore said. “The message is universal.”

This article originally appeared in The Chronicle on November 28, 2018, see it HERE