Marking Time

I woke up this morning and there you were… In my heart. In my mind. In my soul.

Ten years my love❤️

Without your physical being. Your smile. Your wisdom. Your zest for life.

As this 10th deathiversary draws to a close, I realize you truly were/are here my love. Especially in the extraordinary gift that is your daughter.

Here she is modeling the gifts Auntie Cole and cousin Jamie brought to your NYC 50th Auntie Cole/Mãmae birthday extravaganza –

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She is such an exquisite being, Terri Luanna. Such a central part of your story. Of your legacy.

And of mine.

As I wrote to her on Thanksgiving, literally as I was receiving a text from her – “That’s the beauty of our relationship Marisa… It transcends time and space. We are connected on a deep, soul level just as I was with your mother and your grandmother❤️ It’s/you are one of the greatest gifts in my life.”

Just as you were, Terri Luanna.

So tonight we gathered as Miss M requested, at a family dinner to honor your 10th deathiversary. Nana’s meatballs and sauce were prepared. Your beloved “sister” Jamie opened her home and we gathered to celebrate the captivating, tenacious, radiant human being that was/is you, Terri Luanna.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And we will continue to do just that – marking time, gathering together in your name to embrace our grief which then becomes a visceral portal to you, my love. Just as we did for your 50th birthday in NYC.

Talk about feeling all the feels!

And you orchestrated every aspect of that epic weekend. Not only did you nudge me (in the form of a deer appearing just as I was texting Auntie Cole) to invite Nicole, but you compelled your high school bestie, Rani, to “randomly” reach out the week before your birthday, suggesting I add En Vogue’s “Never Gonna Get It” to my Terri playlist. 

I immediately replied, assuring her I would def add it since I was creating a playlist for our upcoming NYC 50th birthday trip and that Nicole was flying in to surprise Miss M.

To which Rani responded, “Next weekend? We are going to NYC too!”

You can’t make this shit up!

So we leveraged our connections to you, Terri, alchemizing our collective heartbreak into unrestrained, extravagant joy.

And you were right there with us, in every conceivable way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what I know to be true… Listening to and acting upon the messages whispered quietly to our hearts, seeking out those companions along our grief journeys, opens our hearts to embracing this messy, fragile, beautiful thing called life.

Love you to the moon and back, Terri Luanna,

Auntie Laurie❤️