Life is Beautifully Hard

Truer words have never been spoken.

And those words flowed in and out of my consciousness on our recent trip to Canada. The picture below is from our first night in Vancouver. Miss M and I  stayed at the Granville Island Hotel, a spot I had stayed long ago with Miss M’s Nana Canada and my Mom. I remember feeling desperate to create light within the darkness of Jeanne’s battle with cancer, and as you can see from the second pic, our mother/daughter/sister sleepover did just that.

 

 

Fast forward fifteen years. Now it was Miss M and me doing exactly the same thing. Nestled on a comfy couch at the hotel’s outdoor restaurant, the full moon our glorious backdrop, we settled in, jet lag threatening to overtake us.

Miss M reached over, grasped my hand and asked, “How are you doing missing Nana?”

Our eyes locked and my heart blew wide open as I marveled at the searing insight of this remarkable young woman.

I told her the pain comes and goes, often when I least expect it. As do the beautiful memories that enter my heart. But that I believed my Mom had a “good death” in that she lived a long life and died at home, surrounded by her loved ones. Gazing into her arresting eyes I continued, “Unlike your Mom and Nana Canada, who died way too young.”

She nodded, eyes shimmering.

“Your turn. How are you doing missing Mãmae?”

“I miss her every day.”

Our tears streamed and the conversation flowed and we spoke of the beautifully hard, making room and space for our grief juxtaposed with the exotic beauty before us.

Before we knew it, the waitstaff were putting the chairs up on the tables and we realized that although it was only 10 pm it was actually 1 am back home! Giggling, we made our way to our room.

In the morning we embarked upon our Vancouver “Terri Tour” designed with the help of  Terri’s three high school BFF’s; Auntie Cole, Reen, and Rani.

To say it was epic is an understatement.

We started at Stuarts Bakery, where Terri and her besties worked, carefully choosing from the delectable array of goodies. Moving next door, we got in line to grab a cup of tea. While waiting in line, my memory started tingling, looking at the woman ahead of us. My heart nearly imploded as I turned to Miss M, whispering, “That’s Nana Canada’s best friend, Martha, in front of us! I haven’t seen her in over fifteen years!”

Edging closer I mouthed, “Martha?”

She turned, recognition slowly dawning. Looking back and forth between me and Miss M I said, “Martha, it’s me, Laurie!”

Falling into each other’s arms, we reveled in the magic of Jeanne’s orchestration, talking non stop until she realized her husband was still waiting outside, car running, so we quickly snapped a pic.

Miss M and I sauntered outside to sit on the dock and savor our scrumptious Stuarts Bakery treats.

“That was freaking incredible!” I exclaimed. “I mean what are the chances? That we’d both be there, hundreds of people wandering around, at that exact moment? It was totally Nana Canada working her magic.”

“Totally!” agreed Miss M.

After a quick FaceTime with Auntie Cole, we reviewed our list of  must see “Terri hot spots” and our Terri Tour continued. Miraculously, (or not) we were able to hit Beadwork’s where Mãmae and her posse made bracelets, Al a Mode where we bought her favorite raspberry rhubarb pie, Prince of Whales Secondary School where Terri went to high school, White Spot restaurant a favorite eatery, 7-Eleven where they hung on a daily basis, and finally, Jericho Beach, another of the “girls” favorite haunts, before picking up Auntie Mary and Uncle John at the airport.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Embracing the echo of her mother’s footsteps, the borderlands between life and death retreated, giving Miss M’s grief (and my own) somewhere to go.

Literally.

Next stop? The mystical Bowen Island and Miss M’s beloved Grampa whom we hadn’t seen in five years.

Jeanne and Terri were EVERYWHERE. And I mean everywhere!

Miss M and I will never forget the night we were sitting under the stars, ruminating on life. Suddenly, we heard a rustling behind us. Turning, there stood the most colossal deer either of us had ever seen! She just stood there in all her grandeur, not one tiny bit afraid of us. She stayed for several minutes then sauntered off. Seconds later she galloped right by us, just a few feet away. and we grabbed each other, laughing and crying and so freaking grateful.

It was Terri. There wasn’t a single doubt in our minds.

Over the next four days we leaned into our losses and our love for each other. There was music.  Games of Sorry. The rainforest. Movie watching. Sunsets. Mouth-watering pie topped with Cherry Garcia ice cream. Storytelling. Visits with Jeanne’s enchanting, openhearted soul sister, Miss M’s Gigi Anya. Savory lunches at The Snug, Doc Morgans, and Artisan’s Square. Photo album after photo album of Mãmae and Nana Canada. Hiking by Killarney Lake.  A savory dinner at Tuscany.

There was laughter. And there were tears.

But most of all there was love. And then it was time to say goodbye…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life is beautifully hard.

So savor every moment. I know we are❤️

Love,

Auntie Laurie and Miss M

PS- let me leave you with the exquisite song created by the phenomenally talented singer/songwriter, Judy Paster who in collaboration with Sing Me a Story and Empower, took Marisa’s poem, “Maybe,” and turned it into a masterpiece.