Tears amidst the joy…
The tears have flown unbidden today on your 49th birthday Terri Luanna❤️
Your effervescent spirit checked in bright and early, playing Pharrell William’s “Happy” song on my ride to drop off my grandson Mark. I quickly snapped a pic, sending it off to Miss M, Papai, and Auntie Cole along with a boat full of birthday love for you.
Been surrounding myself with all things Terri today; re-reading Graceful Woman Warrior and birthday blog posts, watching your Celebration of Life video, communing with nature, spending time with Miss M.
Throughout this day, you continue to remind me you are here – in my heart, in the connections with those who love you, in the impending trip with Miss M to NYC to honor your legacy by visiting your bench, celebrating your birthday with your beloved Moore cousins, hitting Dylans Candy, Central Park, and all things NY, the city you adored.
Blending the pain with the joy as you taught me so well to do.
Coincidentally (or not), the chapter of Graceful Woman Warrior I read this morning aligned beautifully with one of the gifts I gathered for Miss M. In chapter 23 you wrote, “Yesterday I woke up feeling like crap. By the time hubby got home I was a mess. He told me to get my ass up to bed and go to sleep. Of course, even a simple command such as this is not easy for me. Remember that amazing lineage of strong and compassionate women I come from? Well, they are also notorious “doers” who take care of everyone else and have difficulty taking care of themselves.”
Reading that totally affirmed giving Miss M the copy of Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much I gave you so many years ago. The inscription reads, “To Terri, May this book guide you as it has me as you continue to live, love, and explore the world! Love, Laurie X-mas 1996” On the next page you wrote, “Today & every day I am getting better in every way. I bless my body. I bless my cancer. I bless my struggles. I bless my life.”
Last night while transferring old photos to an external drive I stumbled upon this pic of Miss M reading that exact book. Her mother’s daughter through and through, she is deeply engrossed in its wisdom, despite being only one and a half years old!
One and a half yr. old Marisa reading Mãmae’s Women Who Do Too Much Daily Meditation Book
Gathering my birthday goodies, I picked up Miss M and off we went to Round Hill Beach. You provided a perfectly glorious summer like day and as soon as we parked, Auntie Cole texted. God, I love how you serendipitously connect your loved ones time and again! We immediately FaceTimed her and amidst the tears, shared that we were just looking at the photo of 14 year old Mãmae transcendently leaping on an Australian beach.
“So are you going to recreate that moment?” Auntie Cole asked.
Miss M and I locked eyes. “Oh my God, yes!” we both cried.
My heart was literally in my throat as your wildly charismatic daughter soared right in front of my eyes. Just as you did 35 years ago…
Thank you my beloved niece for leading me through the deep ocean of grief surrounding your death. For the tears and the joy shared with your utterly electrifying daughter. And for being one of the most formative people in my life.
Happy Birthday my love❤️
