Mother’s Day
Mothers here, mothers there, mothers, mothers everywhere.
Present making at school… Flower displays at the grocery store… GlitzyMother’s Day cards in CVS… Tenderly poignant television ads…
Well intentioned adults unknowingly asking young motherless daughters, “Will you give your Mom the present you made when you get home today or wait till Sunday?”
Sadly, Miss M won’t be “giving” her present to her Mom today. Or on Sunday. Nor will countless other motherless daughters.
It seems no matter how painstakingly preemptive we are in enlightening Miss M’s inner circle about the loss of her mother, the gaping wound that is mother loss is simply unavoidable at this time of year.
So what’s a father to do? Or an Aunty? Or a community?
How do we carry our beautiful girl through this annual deluge of reminders that her Mom is no longer here?
The reality is, there’s no simple formula, no guaranteed “fix” to mediate beloved Mother honoring day.
All we can do is love her through it.
Love her through our conversations about how she wants to honor her Mamãe this Mother’s Day.
Love her through the conversations about what she is making for Mother’s Day at school this year and how we might “get it to” Mamãe in heaven.
Love her through (and cry my way through) the Happy Mother’s Day card she made for Mamãe, which she insisted on reading to me today, saying, “I wrote it for you too, Aunty,” exchanging my name for Mamãe’s as part of my Mother’s Day gift.
And tomorrow, we will join over 100 other motherless daughters, thanks to Cara Belvin’s transformative group, empowerHER at their annual Mother’s Day Retreat for young girls whose Moms have died. “Designed to build a supportive peer community and remind girls they are not alone in their grief, empowerHER instills confidence and reduces isolation through a community of sisterhood that offers hope to each of the girls we serve.”
I cannot even begin to describe what a difference this organization is making in Miss M’s life, and in the lives of so many other young girls just like her. Please take a moment to visit their website, and if you are so inspired, make a donation in your mother’s name for this Mother’s Day. As my sister, Miss M’s Nana Canada used to say, “Words can’t reach it…”
So “hold” your mothers close on this Mother’s Day, whether she is here in the physical world, or somewhere in the beyond.
Just as Miss M did in her beautiful Mother’s Day card:
My Beautiful Mamãe
The most important thing about my Mamãe is she treated me like I was the most important thing in the world. She was funny and could always make me laugh. She cared for me. She loved me more than anything. But the most important thing about my Mamãe is that she treated me like I was the most important thing in the world.
Love, Miss M
For every Miss M. there is another child whose mother has disowned her, divorced her, abused her, wilfully abandoned her. Perhaps Miss M. could reach out to them with sympathy for their betrayal. Or honor her Mamae by gifting a few minutes, a wish, a prayer to those older mothers whose children are deceased, or who have been forgotten or rejected by their children. We who are members of the above groups would welcome her touch.
Such beautiful sentiments. Loss is universal… Whether it be abandonment, death, or divorce, it deeply binds us together-as does the opportunity for us to heal together. At empowerHER’s Mother’s Day retreat today, it didn’t matter if these girls mothers’ died from cancer, drugs or a car accident. What did matter was a group of like minded individuals chose to show up, bring these girls together and evoke beautiful healing and validation in the process. As Terri’s Dad, Spider Robinson said, “Shared pain is lessened, shared joy increased.”
Children who have lost their mothers usually have much support from family members, friends & neighbors, their churches, and society in general. But the day is purported to honor MOTHERS. I will call my 102-year old mother, but will hear nothing at all from my sons. It sorta takes the joy out of the day
May the joy in your mother’s voice help to heal the sadness from your sons’ silence.
My BFF lost her mother very young. As a child she told me her favourite teacher was a woman that most kids thought was too crabby. Why was she the favourite? Because when they were doing their mothers day craft and she said she didn’t have a mother the teacher replied with – and I quote- “I’m sorry.” I’m guessing not enough people said such a simple thing to her.
So true. It seems so simple, and yet so many have such difficulty speaking the “unspeakable.” So let’s keep speaking-about our pain and our healing. Together, our voices can inspire others to do the same.
Thank You, beautiful and inspiring.
You’re welcome-your words warm my heart.