Keep on walking…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team Terri “walked” their 4th New Bedford Half Marathon today.

And for the first time since Terri’s death, Miss M put on her walking shoes. Her excitement when I talked to her on the phone yesterday was infectious, as she assured me she had all her layers of clothes set to go, and, “Yes, Aunty!”, I’ll be ready at 9:15 sharp.

But when I arrived this morning, the house was unusually quiet. Just Aura Bedora’s frenzied barking welcomed me at the front door. Papai called to me and I found Miss M in her room, wrapped in his warm embrace.

“She is missing her Mamãe… And so am I. So we are sharing some tears.”

I sat on the edge of her bed, silently “holding” their grief  as my own floated up to the surface.

As the minutes ticked by, the conversation eventually turned to the race and we channelled our grief into action; layering, laughing at Aura’s silly antics, and looking for the rest of Miss M’s gear.

Before we knew it, Team Terri had gathered on the front steps of the New Bedford Public Library.

Shouts of “Go Team Terri!” abounded as we posed for the annual picture, Miss M proudly preening in the center of the pretty in pink Team Terri.

“Racers, make your way to the starting line!”

Miss M grabbed my hand and we followed Team Terri’s leader, Maureen, into the fray.

“How will we know when the race starts?” Miss M shouted.

“Umm, I think they might shoot a gun?” I guessed. (I mean that’s what they do on tv don’t they??)

“Cover my ears Aunty!” she nervously yelled above the ruckus. So I did, and we both giggled as a loud horn blew.

Suddenly we were off!

It wasn’t long before Miss M, my BFF Peg and I were bringing up the rear. Every 5-10 minutes or so, a police car would zoom up next to us, matching our stride.

“Look!” Miss M exclaimed. “We even have our own body guard!”

Unfortunately, that same body guard was not equipped with the water Miss M started requesting a few minutes later. But she kept on walking… As did Peg and I.

Despite her sore legs. And her thirst. And her untied shoe.

Then suddenly, Peg offered her an arm. And I followed suit. And before you knew it, we were singing “We’re Off to See the Wizard!”, arms linked, bodies in sync, cold and soreness forgotten, Miss M shouting, “Look, 6 feet walking together!”

Then the lyrics changed to, “We’re off to see the water!”, and just as we crested the top of Purchase St., there it was-the first water station! Alleluia!

Terri, your daughter exceeded even her own expectations, walking 2.5 miles for her Mamãe.

Later, we gathered at  Maureen’s, awaiting the real runners! Finally, “Captain”, Maureen and her “First Mate”, Katie arrived to a thunderous cheer from Team Terri.

We ate. We drank. The kids played. And we remembered.

Four years…

Four years “walking” for our gracefulwomanwarrior and her beloved daughter.

Four years still wishing she were here to walk along side us…

After hugging everyone goodbye, a friend of Maureen’s who knew Terri grabbed hold of me. Holding me ever so tightly, her loving words- about Terri, and me, and Marisa… Well they just about broke open my heart.

And finally, on the way home, my own tears fell.

So I turned to my pen. And to all of you. And of course, to Terri.

I forget so easily that she is right there. Ever present. Walking side by side with me. With Miss M. With all of us. We just have to take the time to look.

So I did look.

And I found her.

I found her in the sunset at Horseback Beach.

In the text from my BFF Peg to put on the TV cuz Carol King was on.

In the fact that I was literally formulating a text to Peg, thanking her for always being there, right when she sent me mine.

And I found her when the song, “Will You Still Love Me” came on shortly after I turned on the TV, and my sister Mary texted me just then that she too had turned it on.

And finally, I found her in the text and ensuing conversation I had with Maureen, that occurred just as I came up to my office sanctuary to finish this blog,..

Thank you Terri. For reminding me to “keep on walking” and to never forget to look.

You’re always right there. Right by my side.

Love, Auntie L