Visions…

The sun is rising and our Warrior is sleeping soundly beside me.

It has been a powerful week with our girl. Things have shifted in the last 48 hours…

I stayed over Tuesday night. It’s uncanny how in the wee hours of the morning, usually between 4-5 a.m., Terri and I have the most profoundly intimate interludes…

That morning she looked at me and said, “There’s these 2 Coast Guard guys.”

I said, “Tell me about them.”

“They’re nice… Good looking.”

“Are they dressed in white?”

“Yes, and they really like the ladies.”

“I bet that’s my Dad and Uncle Frank. They were in the Merchant Marines. Nana always said they loved the ladies. I think that’s your grandfather, Terri…”

“Yeah, I bet it is.”

I asked her if Jeanne had come and she said no…

We went on to talk about “home”. She said she felt like she had found a new “home”. I wholeheartedly agreed, citing the loving, compassionate care she is receiving; reflexology, reiki and massage at her fingertips,  a beautiful room filled with light and lovingly decorated by Miss M, friends and loved ones dropping by.

auntie Cole and I were up late that night talking, and talking and talking… Terri’s devoted BFF has not left her side and doesn’t plan to. We both wondered about what Terri was waiting for. Because that day she was clearly not ready to go.

She told Nicole she wanted to see Marisa. So on my way to see Terri on Tuesday I stopped and shared a magical bedtime hour with Marisa.

We sat together at Mamae’s altar, re-enacting how Mamae sat on her pillow, talking about what mediation is and prayer. About how Mamae will always be with her. That Mamae wanted to see her. So we made plans for me to pick her up after school the next day.

Then we read When Someone is Very Sick, a workbook to help children understand end of life. Marisa furiously worked on a drawing for her “special person who is sick” on the car ride to see Mamae.

I asked her to tell me about it. It was her and Mamae, with vibrant, bright colors, a sun shining and birds flying. Mame’s dress was particularly beautiful. The bottom was filled with flowers. I asked what was at the top.

“An x.”

“For love and kisses?”

“Yes. And for God.”

Out of the mouths of babes…

Although things started shifting for Terri Wednesday- lots of sleeping and glimpses into the other side, Marisa and Mamae had a lovely visit.

As I danced with auntie Cole to the “Happy Song” Marisa played for Mamae, I caught a glimpse of Terri’s arm, gracefully “dancing” in the air. Just as her mother’s had from her couch, the week before she died.

On my way home I put on my playlist from Jeanne’s Memorial. Shed a few tears but mostly felt numb.

Then, “Will You Still Love Me” came on. That is our “Jeanne song”, the one the five sisters sang to our mother whenever we gathered.

Then it played again… And again… And again… It played continuously, for almost 30 minutes, until I pulled into my driveway. During that time I communed with my beloved sister and her daughter, at times raging at the fates and at Jeanne’s inability to “save” Terri. But in the end, I pleaded with her to enfold her daughter in her love.

Things are shifting. Since Marisa’s visit Terri has been sleeping mostly. She occasionally asks us things like, “Are the papers ready?” “Does everybody trust everybody else?” She also told auntie Cole, “It’s so beautiful…”

Visions are the order of the day.

Together, we are all bearing witness to our Warrior’s incredibly courageous journey…

Love to all,
auntie L and Team Terri

popsicle cheers!

popsicle cheers!

35 Responses

  1. wow…how beautiful…she’s allowing us to take the journey with her…love beyond belief…hugs and love to your Terri…we will always remember your true courage …the world is a better place because of you…I love you and NYC loves you…XOXO

  2. Blessed beyond words to bear witness to your journey. May visions continue to come and comfort you, Terri, and all of Team Terri.

  3. So, so much love to our Warrior and Team Terri. Love, light, harmony and such positive energy is constantly flowing to you throughout the day and night from Ohio. I almost emailed you all last night at 2 am just to let you know that you are not alone during those bewitching hours…we love you all, please let Terri know that people all over the country and world are on this journey with her. She is not alone. XO

  4. Thank you for sharing these incredible moments with us. Terri’s journey has been a difficult one. It’s a blessing for us to be able to be included in these last but beautiful days…

    On angel wings you’ll fly.

    Sharon

  5. Y’all don’t really need it, but “Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs” by Tomie dePaola is a very nice book for kids losing someone. Give me an address…

  6. I’m happy that the ending is peaceful and filled with love, not only for Terri but her family. But I’m sad that Terri will have to leave us so soon. We will have to give Spider extra love when he comes home. Be sure to enfold him too; he needs it.

    • Spider is especially on my mind, and also all those whose lives he’s touched, personally or through his writing. Terri is so obviously almost in her new home – it is so beautiful how her journey is being described and shared. But it is those she leaves in this world who now need all the love and prayer and support. May those who are his friends and family where he lives surround Spider with all the love he needs to sustain him in his grief.

  7. Beautiful. Terri you are,as always, my inspiration. Your blog is titled correctly. You are a graceful woman warrior. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Thank you for helping me adjust to my life with cancer. You have been with me from the start and this breaks my heart. Still your strength is amazing. I am so happy to hear your peaceful and surrounded by so much love. You have helped me more than you know. Thank you! All my love to you!

  8. My heart breaks for you, and yet it’s filled with joy. Your love – yours, Terri’s, Miss M’s, and everyone else’s – will carry you through. Thank you for continuing to share with those of us who have come to care so deeply for Terri and your family.

  9. Thank you so much for posting this so I know what’s happening with Terri and those of you bound together by love. It’s so powerful to hear of her journeys through the edge of the veil. I’ve been waiting to hear that Jeanne’s with her; I know she will come and they’ll be reunited at last. My heart goes out to all of you: although my own experiences show me we’re not separated forever by death, I still grieve terribly at the current absences. I wrap my heart’s wings around Terri and you all.

  10. I am so overwhelmed by her strength and what she has done to help her daughter move on after she leaves this world and goes to the next. May God bless all of you and keep you close in these coming days!

  11. You are all in my continued prayers. I ask God to grant Terri her angels wings and to comfort her support system in her physical absence on this earth.

  12. Dori, and family. What a blessing to be with Terri at this time. I was fortunate enough to be with both my parents when they passed. How lucky was I? And how lucky are you? Some people may not understand this post, but I know by your words and thoughts, that you will. I have been wanting to say this to you for a few days now. Embrace this time with dear Terri. When the time comes, tell her it is ok. Kiss her, hug her, hold her, and maybe even have a few laughs with her. Seeing and feeling her passing will probably be one of the most spiritual things you will ever go through. She was lucky and is lucky to have her family with her. My prayers to all of you and my love to you.

    • Because she will be surrounded with love and familiar faces. Beautiful and peacefully. My prayers are with Team Terri.

  13. My heart aches. Tenderly thinking of you all. Prayers & Peace being sent from Halifax. Terri Luanna thank you for being a friend way back when you lived in Halifax, I have great memories & thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your strength and positive energy will live for ever. god bless x Margaret

  14. You are all so incredibly courageous..and beautiful. Although Terri and I never met in person, we followed each other’s blogs and felt a certain kinship. We both rebelled against blindly following doctor’s orders and stepped outside of the “cancer box” much to the dismay of the medical world. My diagnosis came about 18 months after hers, so her journey is very heartbreaking for me, and more than a little scary. I also have a very young daughter who means the world to me. Hugs and peace to all of you in these trying days.

  15. We,too, thank you for sharing these very private moments. I know your hearts ache but you are all such sources of strength and love for Terri and her family. I know she will always be with you and she will let you know when she arrives in her heaven. God bless you all. Cecelia and Steve

  16. We send blessings to all of you, and our love to Terri, on her way now. We are so so sad.

    Katherine, Gordon and Beatrice

  17. This was beautiful and very moving to read. Thank you for sharing… Incredible. Terri will forever be a part of us back here in Ohio. Fate had it that our daughters became friends, and us. So thankful. And so sad. Love to the whole family. Eleanor’s love to Miss M.

  18. Seeing all of you surrounded with loving, healing light during this precious, timeless experience.

    Terri & I met nearly three years ago and have shared many metastatic breast cancer stories and resources through our blogs and email.

    I will miss her unique voice.

    Yet, she entered my heart and will continue to live there.

    May we cross paths in death. Soon.

    blessings and love always,
    Stephanie Sugars

  19. Dear Lori and Team Terri,

    Just back from work and receive an email from 2 friends with the news of Terri’s peaceful passing. Holding you all in our hearts with sadness, wonder and gratitude for the Terri’s open-hearted and courageous sharing of the journey supported by such deep love from so many.

    We will do a service for Terri at our Zen retreat tomorrow, celebrating the Buddha’s enlightenment tomorrow, remembering and honoring her, and of course, our dear friend Jeanne.

    Terre’s great love of life will flow on without limit, in the lives of those who love her, and far beyond.

    Much love,
    Kate and Michael
    Mountain Rain Zen Community

    • It warms my heart, Kate and Michael, to know you will honor Terri, and her beloved Mother, together, once again…
      Love, auntie L

  20. May God give you the strength you need and may we give you strength through our love. And may your strength give us hope in the love of life we learn from you.

  21. My heart weeps at the news of Terri’s death. All my love to Terri and those connected to her by love. I’m especially concerned for Heron, Marisa and Spider, who’s lost his two dearest so very early to this devastating illness. I pray Terri is reunited with Jeanne, who I fear blames herself for Terri’s death. We all know those feelings often torment us, even though they are baseless, and I know all too well that they can persist even after passing through the veil. “Only love can break a heart, and only love can mend it again.”

Comments are closed.