Visions…

The sun is rising and our Warrior is sleeping soundly beside me.

It has been a powerful week with our girl. Things have shifted in the last 48 hours…

I stayed over Tuesday night. It’s uncanny how in the wee hours of the morning, usually between 4-5 a.m., Terri and I have the most profoundly intimate interludes…

That morning she looked at me and said, “There’s these 2 Coast Guard guys.”

I said, “Tell me about them.”

“They’re nice… Good looking.”

“Are they dressed in white?”

“Yes, and they really like the ladies.”

“I bet that’s my Dad and Uncle Frank. They were in the Merchant Marines. Nana always said they loved the ladies. I think that’s your grandfather, Terri…”

“Yeah, I bet it is.”

I asked her if Jeanne had come and she said no…

We went on to talk about “home”. She said she felt like she had found a new “home”. I wholeheartedly agreed, citing the loving, compassionate care she is receiving; reflexology, reiki and massage at her fingertips,  a beautiful room filled with light and lovingly decorated by Miss M, friends and loved ones dropping by.

auntie Cole and I were up late that night talking, and talking and talking… Terri’s devoted BFF has not left her side and doesn’t plan to. We both wondered about what Terri was waiting for. Because that day she was clearly not ready to go.

She told Nicole she wanted to see Marisa. So on my way to see Terri on Tuesday I stopped and shared a magical bedtime hour with Marisa.

We sat together at Mamae’s altar, re-enacting how Mamae sat on her pillow, talking about what mediation is and prayer. About how Mamae will always be with her. That Mamae wanted to see her. So we made plans for me to pick her up after school the next day.

Then we read When Someone is Very Sick, a workbook to help children understand end of life. Marisa furiously worked on a drawing for her “special person who is sick” on the car ride to see Mamae.

I asked her to tell me about it. It was her and Mamae, with vibrant, bright colors, a sun shining and birds flying. Mame’s dress was particularly beautiful. The bottom was filled with flowers. I asked what was at the top.

“An x.”

“For love and kisses?”

“Yes. And for God.”

Out of the mouths of babes…

Although things started shifting for Terri Wednesday- lots of sleeping and glimpses into the other side, Marisa and Mamae had a lovely visit.

As I danced with auntie Cole to the “Happy Song” Marisa played for Mamae, I caught a glimpse of Terri’s arm, gracefully “dancing” in the air. Just as her mother’s had from her couch, the week before she died.

On my way home I put on my playlist from Jeanne’s Memorial. Shed a few tears but mostly felt numb.

Then, “Will You Still Love Me” came on. That is our “Jeanne song”, the one the five sisters sang to our mother whenever we gathered.

Then it played again… And again… And again… It played continuously, for almost 30 minutes, until I pulled into my driveway. During that time I communed with my beloved sister and her daughter, at times raging at the fates and at Jeanne’s inability to “save” Terri. But in the end, I pleaded with her to enfold her daughter in her love.

Things are shifting. Since Marisa’s visit Terri has been sleeping mostly. She occasionally asks us things like, “Are the papers ready?” “Does everybody trust everybody else?” She also told auntie Cole, “It’s so beautiful…”

Visions are the order of the day.

Together, we are all bearing witness to our Warrior’s incredibly courageous journey…

Love to all,
auntie L and Team Terri

popsicle cheers!

popsicle cheers!