auntie L here
My beloved niece has asked me to speak on her behalf. Sitting next to her in Chicago as she painstakingly “wrote” her last post, LIFE AND DEATH, was truly a humbling experience. She has been using a voice recognition program for some time, and that post took her 3 hours to complete. I offered numerous times to type for her, but the writing process is a deeply personal experience.
So I sat next to her, tears flowing, bearing witness to her compelling message.
And now, Terri has a new message…
In the end, our Warrior settled into a new “home” at the incredibly loving Weiss Hospice and Palliative Care Unit at Middlesex Hospital. The pure grace, compassion and comfort provided by the staff and volunteers in this exceptional place are truly like no other. Positive energy abounds.
Amidst the inevitable pain and discomfort of Terri’s disease…
The rehab we landed in after our miraculous Angel Med Flight was only to be a stepping stone for Terri. Team Terri (as we now call ourselves) was destined to take an incredibly frustrating journey from Mystic to Weiss. Suffice it to say, our medical system is infuriatingly inept at managing the “in between” transition from life to death. But I’ll save that dissertation for another day.
After much soul searching, our Warrior chose to move into a space of comfort and love, combined with the best quality of life attainable, in order to embrace and cherish those she loves in her time remaining.
So many things have happened since we moved here a little over a week ago. Within the incredibly heart wrenching emotions of this difficult journey with our beloved Warrior, the pure love is almost indescribable…
Like the moment I walked into miss M’s classroom to volunteer on her mother’s behalf and her face lit up with a kaleidoscope of emotions.
Or the tears of love and loss her hubby and I shared as we looked ahead at how to carry on Terri’s legacy of love for her daughter.
A 66th birthday celebration for grandpa form Terri’s room, officiated by none other than miss M.
A steady stream of her dearest, closest family and friends, surrounding Terri with light and love accompanied by deeply intimate exchanges.
A Thanksgiving overflowing with gratitude, love, family, music, beauty and sorrow within this end of life journey with our beloved Terri Luanna.
Terri told me that night she felt she was moving closer to dying…
She described it as feeling like she imagines dementia might feel, and she said I needed to tell all of you about it.
I asked her what she wanted you to know and she said, “Tell them it isn’t scary…”
She says it’s also a bit confusing and very “busy”. Lots of images, people, dreams and a sort of veil of uncertainty between realty and “something other”. Especially while she is sleeping. Which she is doing a lot of these days.She wondered out loud if she’s “seeing” so much because she’s lived and traveled to so many places and if folks who live in the same place all their lives have a different experience…
She is also having lots of “visitors”. After a Reiki session she turned to me and asked, “Are Daniels’s parents passed?” I said, “Yes.” And she said, “They were just here.” She told auntie Cole that same day that Nicole’s father had visited her the night before, inviting her to sit with him on the porch. That is exactly where Nicole spent many cherished moments with her deceased father.
But in the end, it was her bodhisattva daughter, miss M, child of her mother and grandmother, Jeanne, who provided the ultimate gesture of love…
After decorating practically every surface of her mother’s room with her stupendous art work, then preforming dance after dance on Thanksgiving eve (much to her mom and dad’s delight!), miss M lovingly whispered in her mother’s ear while saying good night, “I’m sorry you have to die, Mamae…”
No tears. Just a rare moment of enlightenment we can all take a lesson from.
Terri wants you to know she is surrounded literally and figuratively by all of you who love her. She feels your love, compassion and strength each and every day.
She wants to thank each and every one of you who helped bring her “home”. And she welcomes your continued prayers, positive energy and support in the days ahead…
Love, auntie L and Team Terri