I’m back! (And my hair’s coming back too!)
But I ain’t gonna sugar-coat it… I’m not feeling too good these days.
They just found another blood clot in my arm. Enough already! So back on the blood thinners I go. Sigh… My arm has progressively been getting worse and worse. Moving it around is increasingly difficult. My fingers don’t move at all now. And living day-to-day with only one functioning hand is taking a while to get used to. All the little things are so difficult now.… Tying my shoes… Peeling a carrot… Opening mail… Fastening buttons and zipping zippers… Cutting Miss M’s morning pancake… Sigh…
I think what’s even worse, is the pain. The pain in my fingers. In my hand. In my neck. In my shoulder. In my back. The pain is there pretty much around-the-clock these days. And it sucks.
And while I do have more energy now that I’ve stopped chemo, it’s still not what it used to be. Just going through the regular activities of a normal day exhausts me.
It’s difficult adjusting to the limitations of my new reality.
The same new reality that forced me to withdraw from the dance therapy training program I was supposed to be doing right now in New York. Another sigh… I realized I just didn’t have the strength, the stamina, or the mobility to get through the intensive program. Initially I was pissed. And sad. But it is what it is. I accept it.
And life goes on. And it’s not ALL bad.
I finally got some awesome voice recognition software for my computer. Yay Dragon! So now I can just talk into the computer and it types everything out for me. It’s not perfect. But it sure is easier than typing it all with one hand. And at least I still have one good hand! Thank God for that.
Last weekend I got to celebrate the beautiful marriage of my darling cousin to an amazingly kind and talented man… Miss. M was the flower girl. I was a bridesmaid. The whole event from beginning to end was joyous and full of love. Hubby and I had more fun than we’ve had in a long time… Meeting interesting people… Getting tipsy… And getting our swerve on on the dance floor – just like old times. And I rocked it in heels the whole night!
A few weeks before that Miss M and I spent an amazing week in Ohio visiting our old friends and nourishing our souls. Miss you guys!!!
Then we celebrated Miss M’s 5th birthday with a fun home-style Brazilian BBQ. Complete with my fabulous in-laws who arrived from Brazil the morning of Miss M’s birthday. It’s so wonderful having their help, love, and support for the summer.
And now that summer has arrived, my spirits are boosted by all the lush green trees, beautiful songbirds, beach days, and relaxing hours in the hammock with Miss M (that is, when I’m not at medical appointments, which unfortunately takes up a large chunk of my time. But that’s a whole other issue).
In terms of treatment, I’m on a break from chemo and pharmaceuticals right now. But I’m doing some new alternative treatments. I started high dose intravenous vitamin C last week. They pump it straight into my port. Where the chemo goes. But this is much easier. And I actually feel better after, instead of worse. The vitamin C oxygenates my body, boosts my immune system, and kills cancer cells. Plus, I started eating apricot seed kernals which are known to be potent anticancer agents and I keep adding more plant-based cancer fighting elements to my daily routine. I wanted to do hyperbaric oxygen treatment as well. But the cost was absolutely crazy… Over $200 a session. And they wanted you to do upwards of five sessions a week. Are you kidding me?!!??
If anyone is interested in learning more about natural and alternative ways to prevent or treat breast cancer there is an amazing book by Dr. Veronique Desaulniers that just came out called, “Heal Breast Cancer Naturally”.
In addition to all this, I’m talking to various research hospitals in the northeast about enrolling in clinical trials for a cancer vaccine. I wanted to try a cancer vaccine when I was first diagnosed. But they told me because it was still experimental that I had to exhaust standard treatment first. So now I’m finally free to try it. Yay! I think I found a good one in Philadelphia at the University of Pennsylvania. It’s a Multi-peptide Vaccine With Basilixumab. We are currently going through my medical history to make sure that I am eligible. If I get in I will be required to make weekly trips to Philadelphia for a while. So if anyone out there has connections in Philadelphia that could help with an occasional place to stay, please let me know. And if anyone has any Amtrak train miles they want to donate that would be great too.
In the meantime, I just keep on keeping on. What else is there to do?
I try not to dwell on how crappy I feel. Some days are easier than others. And I notice how much better I feel when I’m having fun… When I have something to look forward to… When I’m spending time with people I love… So I know I need to do more of that.
Don’t we all?