Today, on our anniversary, I am sending love to my hubby.
It’s been 11 years since we tied the knot in a two minute ceremony at city hall in NYC. My parents were the only ones in attendance. Later that year, we honoured our union again with a spiritual ceremony on the cliffs of San Francisco along with 30 of our closest family and friends. Now we get to celebrate two anniversaries each year!
Many marriages have crumbled under the pressures we faced in the last 11 years… Depression, death, moves, homelessness, cancer… But somehow we survived. There were many times when we could have said, “Screw this! This is too much. I’m outta here.” But we never did.
In the day-to-day struggles I often forget to tell my husband how much I love him. How grateful I am for his support. How I treasure our bond. How I appreciate all the little (and big) things he does for this family.
I know it’s not easy being the sole breadwinner. Feeling the weight of our endless medical bills. Credit card debt that never seems to go away. Always struggling to make ends meet. Knowing your family is depending on you to stay afloat.
I know it’s not easy being married to someone whose sex drive is not what it used to be. Having a wife whose energy is depleted by the time you get home from work. You must wonder if things will ever get back to “normal” again. If the confident, sensual woman you married will ever reappear.
I know it’s hard picking up the slack. Taking on many of the things your wife used to do – before she had cancer. The cleaning… The laundry… The cooking… On top of everything else you do. I know it gets exhausting.
I know it’s scary to have a wife with a terminal diagnosis. The fear that circles around in your head. The uncertainty of our lives. The anxiety surrounding treatment decisions. The sadness that enters your heart when you think about the possibility of losing your wife… Your partner… The mother of your child.
I know you feel that life is unfair. I know you’re angry at God. I know you question why we’ve had to carry the weight of so many challenges. I wish I had the answers for you. But I don’t.
I remember what our lives used to be like. How much fun we had. How manageable it all seemed. How frisky and in love we were. I understand the deep wanting for things to go back to how they used to be. I get stuck there too.
But somehow we must forge ahead. Enjoy the good moments when we have them. Learn to accept and hopefully embrace our new reality. Build a new life.
After 11 years of marriage I need you to know that I am still madly in love with you. I still think you’re totally hot. You make me laugh with your crazy antics and our inside jokes. You’re a terrific father. You’ve got a kind and generous spirit. You’re a hustler. A survivor. And I know when the chips are down you’ve got my back. You always have. Please know that you are adored, appreciated, and loved.
We’ll make it through this just like we made it through everything else in our crazy lives.
Happy anniversary! xoxo - your Luanna