Spring is on its way! I can feel it in the air. The birds have returned. The snow is melting. The sun is shining. What a difference it makes in my spirit! I’m feeling renewed. Hopeful. Full of gratitude.
Last week we had an amazing visit with Auntie ‘Cole who showered us with her playful spirit and love. It always warms my heart to spend time with her. And hubby, Miss M and I seem to be settling on a church finally. We’ve gone to the same United community church the last three weeks in a row. And i’ve actually been thinking about purchasing a Bible and reading it!!! A previously incomprehensible thing for me.
The latest news on the cancer front is that we received the biopsy results. And i’m glad I went through with the biopsy because it confirmed my suspicions (and the dream I had) that the cancer is different this time around.
Previously my cancer was “triple positive” meaning it tested positive for estrogen (95%), progesterone (90%), and HER2. Now, my cancer is still HER2 positive (which is good because two of the three drugs i’ve been taking are targeted HER2 treatments) BUT it is no longer hormone positive. Meaning, this cancer no longer feeds on excess estrogen or progesterone. Which to me is amazing! Especially since I refused all hormone treatment (aka: Tamoxifen) and surgery (aka: an Oophorectomy – removing my ovaries) – Despite continuous pressure from my western medicine doctors who thought I was crazy not to as a young 30-something pre-menopausal woman. But my gut said not to do it. And instead, I chose natural methods… Using targeted supplements like DIM and Calcium D-Glucarate (among others)… Getting rid of as many xenoestrogen chemicals as possible from my diet and personal care products (choosing organic whenever possible, switching to 100% natural lotions & largely shunning shampoo, deodorant, and sunscreen)… Plus losing 30 lbs of extra weight (fat cells store and produce estrogen)… Apparently it worked!
I’m so thankful I listened to my intuition.
This also means I have fewer drugs available to treat my cancer (which according to western medicine is a bad thing). But for me, I wasn’t going to take those medications anyway so I’m thrilled.
Now I’m faced with more decisions. And my gut is telling me something I’m not sure I’m ready to hear.
The last few days when I’ve quieted my mind, meditating at the beach I received the message that I don’t have to do chemo.
Of course this goes against conventional wisdom (as well as, what I’m currently doing for treatment). And I know most people will be horrified that I would even consider stopping chemo (which is why I haven’t told anyone about this till today). But I know that when my intuition speaks I need to consider what it’s saying. My gut is telling me I’ll be fine either way. But the chemo isn’t necessary. I can do this other ways.
Plus, the Universe keeps sending me similar messages.
I was guided by my husband’s psychic/medium in Europe to read a book by Brandon Bays called “The Journey”. In it, the author heals herself from a basketball size tumor without conventional treatment and speaks loud & clear about physical dis-ease being a manifestation of unresolved trauma, unexpressed emotion, and disharmony of the spirit and soul. From the beginning I’ve shared my belief that I think so much of physical disease is tied up in traumas of the spirit, mind, and emotions. I think this is equally, if not more, important than the drugs you take or the food you eat. You can exercise every day and eat a totally healthy diet and still get sick. Isn’t the most important thing to live a life that honors who you are? Nourishes your spirit? One that is filled with joy and love? And heck, even if you do end up dying at least you’ve lived the best, happiest, most authentic life you could live, right?
Then, in the middle of writing this blog I received a call from a new healer I’m working with. She is a medical intuitive who is trained in a number of healing modalities and came highly recommended. She primarily uses muscle testing to tap into what the body/mind/spirit needs and wants. Coincidentally, in the weeks leading up to my session with her I read an article by Martha Beck in an old Oprah magazine that also talked about muscle testing – You can read it here. And what came up in my session (among a ton of other stuff) was that chemo may not be the answer.
So where does this leave me?
The question I keep asking myself is if I’m strong enough to honour my truth. To once again, go against the grain. Against conventional thinking and treatment. Am I strong enough to shield myself from everyone’s fear and judgement?
I listened to my gut when it came to hormonal treatment and my gut proved right. Why does this seem more difficult?
I’m scheduled for regular chemo this week plus one more dose of the new drug Perjeta next week. Then we’ve got a PET scan scheduled for the second week of March to see where we’re at. I guess my plan is to wait and see the results of the scan, set up some appointments to get a few other opinions and then ultimately make a decision.
As my daily meditation from Simple Abundance said today, “One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore. [So] set the sails. Pull anchor. Cast away… Or stay on the shore. But choose.”
It’s so much easier to stay on the shore. Stay in the comfort zone. Stay stuck. But even that is making a choice.
What will I choose? What will you choose for your life? Can we find the strength to make the choice that feels best to us? And not to everyone else? The choice that honours our truth? The choice that feels right, no matter how scary it may seem?
I feel like I’m getting on the boat. Wanting to set sail. But still afraid to pull the anchor.
Maybe it’s time.
Peace. - T