First, I have to say thank you for all the amazing comments after the last blog. Wow! All that support, encouragement, love, and vulnerability had me laughing out loud and wistfully pondering big questions about life. Thank you guys! At some point I may actually get around to responding individually because there was so many points I wanted to speak to.
And all the love couldn’t have come at a better time.
On Wednesday I got the results of my most recent set of scans. It wasn’t what I had hoped for… But it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could be.
The good news is, that the ultrasound of my arm showed no more deep vein blood clots (which is awesome!) but there’s still some circulation problems – restricted flow, and superficial clots in peripheral arteries.
The not so good news is that my tumor marker 25.29 level is up again (from 35 to 70 to 90 now). Bummer! And the PET scan shows that the cancer is trying to set up shop in my body again. There are clusters of cancer cells spreading from my thyroid area, through my chest, and into my left armpit. Serious bummer! Most of the spots are pretty low on the SUV scale and may still be associated with inflammation from the surgery & stress of the move. But a few seem pretty serious and may partly to blame for the circulatory issues and pain I’m having on my left side.
I’m trying not to freak out. But the first day was hard. I shed some tears. Even thought about just giving up for a moment. Then I said, enough with that. Let’s look at the positive… The cancer hasn’t spread anywhere beyond the immediate chest area which is great news. There were a few suspicious spots in my leg but they didn’t light up on the scan – so i’m not wasting my energy thinking about them! My energy is still good and I’m still living life.
Still, my body is definitely not happy. The pain is nearly constant. Luckily it’s just a dull ache. Nothing deep or sharp. But still totally annoying! My poor body is screaming out to me to make changes. To stop neglecting myself. To slow down. To reassess. To get back on track.
So I’m going back to the basics. Re-reading Kris Carr’s Crazy, Sexy, Diet and maybe even doing a 21 day healthy eating cleanse. I’m trying hard to get my 8 hours of sleep each night. I’m assembling a kick-ass healthcare team. I’m making time for meditation, visualization, and affirmations. Doing my daily exercise. Drinking my green juice & green smoothies. And adjusting things in my life to help make this happen.
What else can I do??? Well, my oncologist offered me what western oncology has to offer – meds. Period. Either more chemo meds or more anti-hormonal meds or meds to stop my ovulation. No thank you. At least not for now. When i go inside and ask myself what feels right. It’s not taking more meds. So for now i’m going to forgo pharmaceuticals and give this healthy living thing everything I’ve got. With my awesome team of doctors, naturopaths, functional nutritionists, reiki healers, support groups, and therapists I truly believe I have the chance to kick this cancer again.
I have a new naturopath on my team who is awesome & brilliant. She and I are meeting next week to come up with a plan of action. I’ll keep my oncologist up-to-date and then we scan again in another 3-4 months and take it from there.
Yesterday morning I went for a run through the woods and ended with a meditation on the beach. I looked to the sky and asked my mom for help again. I cried and I tried to visualize the waves washing through me and carrying the cancer away. I breathed in the salty air. And tried to shift my energy.
Later that day Miss M and I were cleaning the house when I saw a little red fox pass by the window outside. I knew it was my mom talking to me – sending me a message of hope and support. When I looked up the symbolism behind the fox it said foxes bring energy of magic, increased awareness, and opportunity. The fox reminds us to enjoy life & have fun. The fox is trickster and reminds us to be adaptable and curious. And just the night before my cup of chamomile tea had held the message “be curious” on its tea bag. Hhhmmm… The universe (and my mom) are definitely trying to send me a message.
So I’m going to remain curious and aware. Keep thinking outside the box. Trust my intuition. And stay open to the magic and messages that appear around us every day.
Cancer – you don’t stand a chance!
Hugs, - T