The time has come to say goodbye. Miss M and I officially leave Ohio this Friday. July 26th. Wow.
The days now are full of goodbye hugs, tears, promises to stay in touch… I’m saying goodbye to the cornfields, the farms, the wide open sky… To lots of fantastic people who made living here more enjoyable than I ever imagined it could be… And goodbye to my therapist and just today my soul sister & reiki healer Renee… Monday is my last evening with the girlfriends… And Miss M and I are now going through the house recalling favorite memories from each room (today we remembered our dance parties in the kitchen and birthdays in the backyard).
Don’t get me wrong. I am THRILLED to be moving. There’s a lot about life in Ohio that I will not miss at all… Small town mid-western living just ain’t my style. And for that, I am psyched, and oh so ready, to be starting our next chapter in Connecticut!
Our new life is slowly starting to take shape… We’re in the midst of closing on a beautiful little home only a mile from the beach, hubby is loving his new job, I found a great Montessori school for Miss M, and I’m finally getting clear about what I want to do professionally. It’s a beautiful thing.
The last few weeks have been pretty insane though. With hubby already in CT I am stuck with all the move stuff, while still acting as a full-time (temporarily single) mom too. Luckily Miss M has been pretty great lately – playing by herself, helping me clean the house, going to bed without too much drama. Which is awesome, because a month ago she was totally insane! Not sure if it was the therapy sessions she started going to again… Or her picking up on the joy and excitement hubby and I have about this move… Or just that she’s getting older… Who knows? I’m just thankful every day that she is my daughter. And I tell her that too. How she is just what I always dreamed my daughter would be.
With everything that’s been going on, it’s been hard not to fall back into old patterns… Of stress eating, giving up on exercise, taking everything on, then getting frantic, and way off balance. I’m finding the most important things I can do to stay balanced are to ask for help and make time for myself. The old me would have done neither of these things. The new me, however, is finding time amidst the chaos to exercise, go to reiki, laugh with friends and enjoy the sunset. The new me gets babysitters, hires cleaners, and asks people for favors. Of course, when I do this, it give me energy to tackle the rest of life. To be a better mom. To not freak out as much. To get stuff done. This manifestation of self love is such an integral piece of healing and living your best life.
Speaking of which… I am finally reading Bernie Siegel’s book, “Love, Medicine, & Miracles“. It is totally amazing and brings me back to my fascination with the mental and emotional roots of cancer. Our brains are central station for everything our bodies do. How can the brain not be involved somehow in our illness too?
Society tells us not to look at the roots or causes of disease. Disease is what it is. You’re sick. Just deal with it. Take a med, have surgery. But to me the roots of illness are so important. I don’t really believe illness is random. We get sick because something is wrong in our lives. Off balance. We aren’t living the lives we were meant to live. Illness is a wake-up a call. A call to get honest. Get real. Look around you and figure out what’s not working. And change it.
Even though I’m ready to start the next chapter in my life, I know I’ll never fully close the chapter on cancer. No matter where I go, it follows. Metastatic breast cancer is not something that ever truly goes away. Instead, I’m hoping I can harness that energy and use it for good. Recognizing that cancer is a game changer. Allowing it to push me forward. To keep me on my toes. To bring more awareness. To ground me in the present moment. A constant reminder that tomorrow is never promised.
So I continue to live for today. Love myself. Be kind. And remain open to the game changers of life.
Goodbye Ohio. Hello Connecticut!
Peace. - T