Bidding Farewell to Ohio

The beautiful Miami River

The beautiful Miami River in Ohio

The time has come to say goodbye.  Miss M and I officially leave Ohio this Friday.  July 26th.   Wow.

The days now are full of goodbye hugs, tears, promises to stay in touch…  I’m saying goodbye to the cornfields, the farms, the wide open sky…  To lots of fantastic people who made living here more enjoyable than I ever imagined it could be…   And goodbye to my therapist and just today my soul sister & reiki healer Renee…  Monday is my last evening with the girlfriends…   And Miss M and I are now going through the house recalling favorite memories from each room (today we remembered our dance parties in the kitchen and birthdays in the backyard).  

Don’t get me wrong.  I am THRILLED to be moving.  There’s a lot about life in Ohio that I will not miss at all…  Small town mid-western living just ain’t my style.  And for that, I am psyched, and oh so ready, to be starting our next chapter in Connecticut!

Our new life is slowly starting to take shape…  We’re in the midst of closing on a beautiful little home only a mile from the beach, hubby is loving his new job, I found a great Montessori school for Miss M, and I’m finally getting clear about what I want to do professionally.  It’s a beautiful thing.

The last few weeks have been pretty insane though.  With hubby already in CT I am stuck with all the move stuff, while still acting as a full-time (temporarily single) mom too.  Luckily Miss M has been pretty great lately – playing by herself, helping me clean the house, going to bed without too much drama.  Which is awesome, because a month ago she was totally insane!  Not sure if it was the therapy sessions she started going to again…  Or her picking up on the joy and excitement hubby and I have about this move…  Or just that she’s getting older…  Who knows?  I’m just thankful every day that she is my daughter.  And I tell her that too.  How she is just what I always dreamed my daughter would be.

With everything that’s been going on, it’s been hard not to fall back into old patterns…   Of stress eating, giving up on exercise, taking everything on, then getting frantic, and way off balance.  I’m finding the most important things I can do to stay balanced are to ask for help and make time for myself.  The old me would have done neither of these things.  The new me, however, is finding time amidst the chaos to exercise, go to reiki, laugh with friends and enjoy the sunset.  The new me gets babysitters, hires cleaners, and asks people for favors.  Of course, when I do this, it give me energy to tackle the rest of life.  To be a better mom.  To not freak out as much.  To get stuff done.  This manifestation of self love is such an integral piece of healing and living your best life.

Speaking of which…  I am finally reading Bernie Siegel’s book, “Love, Medicine, & Miracles“.  It is totally amazing and brings me back to my fascination with the mental and emotional roots of cancer.  Our brains are central station for everything our bodies do.  How can the brain not be involved somehow in our illness too?

Society tells us not to look at the roots or causes of disease.  Disease is what it is.  You’re sick.  Just deal with it.  Take a med, have surgery.  But to me the roots of illness are so important.  I don’t really believe illness is random.  We get sick because something is wrong in our lives.  Off balance.  We aren’t living the lives we were meant to live.  Illness is a wake-up a call.  A call to get honest.  Get real.  Look around you and figure out what’s not working.  And change it.

Even though I’m ready to start the next chapter in my life, I know I’ll never fully close the chapter on cancer.  No matter where I go, it follows.   Metastatic breast cancer is not something that ever truly goes away.   Instead, I’m hoping I can harness that energy and use it for good.  Recognizing that cancer is a game changer.  Allowing it to push me forward.  To keep me on my toes.  To bring more awareness.  To ground me in the present moment.   A constant reminder that tomorrow is never promised.

So I continue to live for today.  Love myself.  Be kind.  And remain open to the game changers of life.

Goodbye Ohio.  Hello Connecticut!

Peace.  – T

Hamming it up at the local children's museum.

Hamming it up at the local children’s museum in Connecticut.

Getting to know the locals

Getting to know the locals.

Doing Things Differently

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What a whirlwind! Life has been pretty intense lately… All the traveling, staying in different places, prepping for our upcoming move… It’s a lot.

My body was definitely telling me to slow down and take better care of myself. My face broke out, my back ached, my head hurt, I had no energy, and was an emotional wreck. Not good.

Cancer loves broken down, stressed out bodies. And I wasn’t eating healthy. I wasn’t exercising. No time for meditation. No more supplements (which were temporarily put on hold while my Naturopath adjusted dosages because of the blood thinners). Exhaustion. And a whole hell of a lotta stress! Not good at all.

But now i’m back in NYC… My body is always happy here. I’ve handed over the reigns on the house hunting to hubby (who is currently living in a hotel in Connecticut and loving his new job) and am enjoying a few days with the fabulous Auntie ‘Cole who happens to be in town from Vancouver. Suddenly life is good again. Enjoying the time to shake off the stress & have some fun. The perfect prelude to packing up our life in Ohio (Miss M and I fly back tomorrow).

I remember my therapist asking me, “When life gets stressful again, what will you do differently?” Because it’s not a matter of IF life gets stressful, it’s WHEN life gets stressful. And the last time my life got super stressful I didn’t know what to do.

Last week, amidst all the stress, I resorted to many of my old unhealthy patterns. But then my therapist’s voice rang in my ears… Ok, life is stressful again & I’m starting to feel like shit. So what am I gonna do differently? I can’t go down this road again. I need to stay strong and healthy. I can’t give the cancer any bait.

So mid-week I finally got my ass into the gym at the hotel and squeezed in some exercise. I tried to eat healthier. Loaded my body with green juice, smoothies, & veggies. Stopped drinking the morning caffeine again. Found time to just relax and enjoy nature, be with family, de-stress and celebrate life.

And I’m feeling a lot better.

One of the things I’m really excited about is actively taking more time to pursue my passions. These last few days in NY, Cousin J, Auntie ‘Cole and I decided to make a pact to take regular steps toward discovering our ideal careers… Pursuing our passions… Honoring our truths… All three of us are at a crossroads in our life and need this extra push to move us in the right direction. To make sure we actually do what we say we’re gonnna do, we’ve agreed to document and share the actions we take. We plan to start a separate blog (to keep us accountable) and take turns posting about our different journeys. [I’ll share the link here in the near future for those that are interested].

The last week & a half brought me back to so many of the lessons I know I’m here to learn. Reminded me of how my unique self and the circumstances of my life are not coincidence. We’re here for a reason. Each one of our lives has meaning and purpose. Staying open to the lessons in our particular journeys and responding with courage to honour our true selves brings us closer to living the life we are meant to live.

For me, the lessons are a matter of life or death. And I’m not looking to die anytime soon! So I gotta keep learning. Keep growing. Keep striving. Keep flexing those muscles. And keep believing that anything is possible… It is, right??

Peace. -T

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