The Elasticity of Time

Outside the Neptune Diner on our wedding day - March 25, 2003

Outside the Neptune Diner on our wedding day – March 25, 2003

What a weird & emotional week it’s been.  Full of travel, sickness, milestones, pure joy, memories, and anniversaries…  To name a few.

Plus, I have now officially entered the “surgery prep” zone.

This morning I had my pre-surgery breast ultrasound…  In the exact same room that I found out I had breast cancer back in November 2011.  With the same technician.  She said she remembered me and asked how I was doing.   I still experienced the same nervous energy when she exited the room to consult with the doctor after the scan.  But today, unlike in 2011, the doctor did not come in the room when she returned.  Always a good sign.  This time the news is good.  My ultrasound does not show anything of concern.  Phewww…

Early last week I took a quick 24 hour trip to NY to meet with my plastic surgeon & my naturopath to discuss surgery prep and recovery.  My plastic surgeon assured me the procedure should be less severe than the last.   The surgery will be outpatient.  I will receive a “lighter” form of anesthesia   And I should be able to resume my normal activities much quicker.  My naturopath tweaked my diet and supplements.  Talked about my energy and stress levels.  And outlined her natural blood thinning strategy for post-surgery and beyond.

And now for the big news…  Drum roll please…  I finally get to stop taking Coumadin!!!!  Woohoo!

Friday I see my oncologist Dr. K to complete pre-surgery blood work and discuss my transition off blood thinners.  It’s been 6 months since they found the blood clot in my lung.  Of course going off Coumadin is both amazing and terrifying.  Every time I have problems breathing, a tickle in my throat, a cough that won’t let up, or a pain in my leg I wonder, “Is it that damn blood clot again?!?!”  But after surgery I will receive Heparin injections (another blood thinner).  And then start implementing my naturopath’s plan that I will stay on long-term.  So I’ll still be doing something to keep my blood levels in check.

The past week also brought with it two very joyful days…  Both revolving around anniversaries.

On Sunday Miss M and I went to the Dayton Ballet’s 75th Anniversary performance.  Miss M was transfixed (well, at least for the first 45 mins).  It was her first time at the ballet.  I watched her follow the dancers around the stage with her eyes.  And felt tears welling up in my own eyes as I thought of my mom and felt her presence around us.

I felt my mom’s energy strongly again yesterday – On my anniversary – When Hubby and I celebrated 10 years of marriage.  Wow!  A decade together already!

It was back in March 2003 that hubby and I sealed the deal in a two-minute civil ceremony at City Hall in Manhattan.  My mom & dad were the only guests.  Afterwards we dined at the Neptune Diner in Astoria – right under what was then the Astoria Blvd stop of the W & N trains.  I was 28.  Just back from teaching in Taiwan.  Working in advertising.  Submitting applications for grad school.  Hubby was a 26 year old illegal immigrant from Brazil with a sexy accent.  Driving a delivery truck during the day while attending college at night.

I’m pretty sure my family had its doubts about us.  But here we are.  Ten years later.

Our marriage has definitely had its ups & downs.  Hubby drives me crazy.  He pushes my buttons.  He calls me out on my shit.  And yet I love him.  When the chips are down he is there for me.  When I gain 30 lbs he still tells me I’m beautiful.  He accepts me for who I am & doesn’t try to change me.  When I’m diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer he assures me he isn’t going anywhere.

Time is such an elastic concept.  Expanding and contracting.  Abundant one day & scarce the next.  It can seem like forever and yet go by in a flash.  I can hardly believe I’ve been married for a whole decade…  That it’s been 16 months since I was diagnosed…  Almost 4 years since Miss M was born…  And almost 3 years since my mom died…

Where does the time go?

It is yet another reminder to enjoy the present moment.  Live fully.  Waste no time.  Dive in.  Don’t hold back.  Because time waits for no one.

Peace.  – T

At the alter

At the alter.

Waiting our turn at city hall.

Waiting our turn at city hall.

13 Responses

  1. Your Mom has been so present to all of us this week, she must be gathering us all for her birthday celebration and your visit next week…stay present and try not to sweat the details…cannot wait to see you xoxo

  2. Boy, do I remember that day. What joy! My own parents were married in that same building, very possibly in the same room. I still have a photo of you two outside the Neptune Diner. You are still just as beautiful a couple! Congratulations on your first 10 years together.

  3. Happy Anniversary !!! I thought of you about 30 minutes before receiving this email… must’ve felt your message coming!

  4. What a great analogy about time. I’m ALWAYS reflecting about how it flies by, and then how it’s draggin’! Planning on heading to Ptown this weekend with Nana and Laurie to visit Jeanne, and so looking forward to seeing you! love and kisses, M.

  5. Wow…It doesn’t seem like 3 years since your mom left us.That picture of Miss M dressed in pink in your last posting looks so much like her.I know what you mean about time…it’s been 5 years since I was diagnosed with the arthritis,and yet it seems so new,and somehow temporary,like it’ll just get better and go away.It also seems like it’s been here forever,like a camper that never went home.I feel like I am guilty of wasting my time…one of my worst symptoms is fatigue,and so I can stay on the sofa all day if I have nowhere to go.But like you,I know that if I eat healthy foods,I will feel a lot better.As always,I take strength and inspiration from your reaction to having Cancer.I’m happy beyond measure that you are doing so well,and I will be thinking of you while you are undergoing your next surgery.Namaste.

  6. A whole decade… significant. Happy anniversary, and may your love grow through the next decade… and the next, and the one after that, too.
    Smooth sailing through your surgery and post op!

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