I am back from yet another trip to NYC. This time to meet with a potential holistic cancer team in Rockland County. Although I am not entirely sold on this new team, the trip was not a total loss. I discovered some tweaks I can make to my supplement & diet regime… I learned about a few alternative cancer treatment options… And I went through a comprehensive blood testing that will hopefully tell me even more about the state of my body and show where there is room for improvement…
And most importantly, I got to spend a weekend in NY!
Miss M and I had a fabulous weekend staying with my old friend “Titi Liz”… Miss M discovered the joys of a new train: the Metro-North… I took her ice skating for the first time at Bryant Park and she was a natural… We went to the Museum of Natural History where Miss M lost herself in the Hall of Ocean Life with its 94-foot long blue whale and interactive fish displays… And of course we gorged on healthy meals at my favorite vegan restaurants…
Then we came back to Ohio.
I felt the heavy weight and sadness in my heart as our plane flew over the endless farmland and veered towards Dayton. I didn’t want to be back in Ohio. I don’t want to be here. But I am.
I started reading another amazing book while I was away: Cancer As A Turning Point by Lawrence LeShan, Ph.D. Instead of examining cancer through the usual lens of pathology, LeShan found that using a strengths perspective with therapy clients to examine their natural talents and passions brought much better results. LeShan shares moving stories of cancer patients who change their lives, start living their dreams, harnessing their zest for life, and helping their bodies heal.
His book is about finding and creating a more fulfilling and meaningful life. A life that maximizes on your natural talents. A life that is infused with passion. A life that you want to live. And how making these changes can actually signal to your body and immune system to kick into gear because there is a reason to stay alive.
It makes sense. If I am living a life I don’t want to live, full of misery, sadness, and unused potential, then why live at all? Perhaps our bodies get sick to bring our sadness to light. To reveal the truth of our existence. To force us into a new way of being.
Personally, I know my 30’s were a decade full of self sacrifice and unfulfilled desires. I continually pushed my dreams aside. Continued to “suck it up and deal”. Continued to put my life on hold. Prioritizing my role as a mom, wife, and daughter. Just waiting for the right time to make myself a priority again.
Then metastatic breast cancer came along and showed me that NOW is the time.
So I am working hard to rediscover my passions. Finding the activities that make me lose track of time. Remembering the happiest moments in my life. Pinpointing the qualities and moments of every day life that bring me joy. Figuring out what excites me and ignites me.
Which of course brings me back to NY… My biggest passion… The place where I experienced the happiest moments in my life… Where I easily loose track of time… The city that brings me to tears with its extremes… That infuses me with its vibrant energy…
Although I cannot be there now. I vow to be there again one day. And until then, I will keep finding ways to get my “fix’ and keep the qualities I love about NY and the person I was when I lived there within me.
I think it’s time we all take a look at what brings us joy… What we’re passionate about… Our best ways of relating and being in this world…
Each one of us is here for a reason. We all have a unique gift to give. A reason for living.
I’m still figuring out mine. Do you know what yours is yet?
Peace. – T