Parenting Thanks

A quick thank you to everyone who chimed in with their 2 cents.  I found all your responses so helpful and comforting.

Miss M is still flipping out and she’s still upset more hours in the day than not.  But I am feeling bolstered by the new ideas and avenues you all suggested for us to explore.

I’ve struggled with not knowing how much to tell her.  (She is, after all, only 3 years old).  But after reading about all your experiences, I feel that it’s ok to be honest with her (in 3 year old terms of course).  Because the reality is that I can’t hide this from her.  So why not keep it real?  Let her know what is happening and what she can expect.  Let her know that I love her dearly and always will.  Let her know that it’s ok to be mad…  and sad…  and frustrated…

And I will continue to do my best to create a firm and loving holding environment for her.  To set limits.  To continue with our daily routines.  And surround her with people who care and love her unconditionally.

Lisa Marie – I love the Neufeld Institute site you forwarded to me and may call the lady in North Vancouver for some over-the-phone coaching.  Their approach seems very much in line with my leanings towards attachment parenting.

Trisha – We need to get together soon so we can catch-up on our cancer journeys, parenting, and life.  We are 2 tough mamas and we are gonna get through this.

Mark, Elenore, Gwyneth, Jewel, & Joelyne – Thank you for sharing your personal stories with me about navigating the ups & downs of living in a household with family illness.  I’m touched by your candor and willingness to open up.

Rhonda Lea – Your words broke my heart.  I’m so sorry you did not receive the reassurance you needed.  After reading your comment I made it a point to tell Miss M last night that she was in no way responsible for me having cancer and that nothing she says or does would make me sick.  This elicited a big smile from her.  Thank you.

And Lois – I couldn’t agree more with your dad’s wisdom:  “When they are the most unlovable is when they need the most love”.  I will try to remember this when Miss M is at her worst & I’m at my whits end.

This is an ongoing battle.  We’re all still adjusting to our new “normal”.  But I have faith that we will make it through.  In large part due to the beautiful support and guidance from all of you.

Lots of love.  – T

10 Responses

  1. oh man, i have no answers that much i know. Wren is also 3 and just started junior kindergarten and change is so hard for them- for most people- it’s hard for me anyway- and i should preface this story with an explanation that she’s normally a loving and kind human child but the other day she was pure animal. she was so angry at me- likely she was angry with the lack of control in her own life that she has experiencing lately. but she told me: “i don’t like you mommy and i don’t like your drawings and i don’t like your art and i don’t care your feelings!” it was her telling me that she’s having a hard time. i told her that she hurt me in my heart when she said mean things to me but that i love her and there’s nothing she can do to make me not love her or like her. and that if she’s angry she needs to take a breath and go punch the couch and be mad and be angry and tell me about it. i know it sounds a bit insane but i try to let there be a welcomed place in our house for anger- i just try to chill the yelling and instead let her punch the bed or couch. i told her she could punch her stuffed animals but she was horrified by that idea. and when i’m angry she tells me the same thing- “take a yoga breath mommy and go punch the couch!”. i just try to make the house as yell free as possible if possible but it’s not always possible. you know T. i have always thought you were a faaaantastic Mom and more so now. and your post to keep it real inspires me to remember to do the same. i hope tomorrow is a great day for you 3!
    love and more love,
    kat

  2. I’m glad you are having such good advice on parenting from experienced folks. I haven’t been a parent, but I was a child once, long ago, and the one thing I’d add is that truth is the side on which to err — I understood many more answers, even at age three, than I was capable of formulating questions to get them with, and I was grateful for them when they were given even though I hadn’t been able to ask for them. That smile Marisa gave you when you told her it wasn’t her fault will have told you a lot.

    Keeping all three of you, and your large loving family, in my thoughts and prayers — John

  3. Cancer centers of America! I went to Yale Sloane Hopkins Danbury Hospital I have never had such an experience! Excellent!! I have a 10 year old I have to live. Stage 4- and I will and so will you. Please let me help you. Jodi

    Sent from my iPhone

  4. And remember kids whether They have a parent with a cell imbalence or not are kids! Kids act out. Dont give yourself all if the credit. Really- she is a growing wxperimenting child:) this is good.

    Sent from my iPhone

  5. Love you so much! You are doing an awesome job Terri. There are going to be challenging days, but you will get through them all. You guys are trying to adjust to your new “normal”, and it is ok. Just continue to be patient with her, express constant love as you guys do, and reassure her as well. You are the best!!! Love you!!!!

  6. I’m so glad you were able to connect with women who could give you help through their experiences. After reading your remarks I’m thinking this is wonderful advice for EVERYONE raising children!

    • Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog! Now I found yours my daughter was three when I was diagnosed. We certainly had our struggles, but know this too shall pass. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Three is a tough age sometimes. We read a book called Parenting the Strong-willed Child which was very helpful. A good book to read with her is You are the Best Medicine..

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