The News Is In

And the news is both good and bad.

First, the good news…   My bone scan was clean and the PET scan showed no evidence of cancer in the bones, lymph nodes, organs, lungs, brain, or anywhere else in my body.  All the cancer is still contained in my left breast.  So it looks like we’re good to go for surgery next week.  Yay!!!

The bad news is that the cancer in my left breast has grown.  Both of the original tumors doubled in size since April.  PLUS – there is now a new tumor that has taken up residence in between the two old ones.  This was definitely not what I wanted to hear.  And it’s taken me all day to process the news.

Although I am genuinely happy to find out the cancer did not spread again, I was totally freaked out and upset by the fact that it was still growing.  To me, the cancer growth meant something wasn’t working.  What was missing?  What were we doing wrong?  What could we be doing better?  Maybe I need to try harder, eat better, exercise more…  Be more vigilant…  Cut out the occasional wine drinking all together…  Stop straying from my prescribed diet…  Make a renewed commitment to my meditation practice…  Be more conscious of my defenses and entrenched behavioural patterns…   Figure out the lessons that the cancer is here to teach me…

These thoughts tumbled through my head all day long.  I did a lot of crying and a lot of processing.  Thank god I also had my therapy appointment this afternoon and my breast cancer support group tonight – both of which allowed me the chance to process further, feel what I needed to feel, and ultimately end up in a better place.  Turns out I’m actually getting better at feeling the feelings instead of just stuffing them down.

And at the end of the day, I do recognize that the good in the situation outweighs the bad.  Next week I’ll be going in for surgery and will get all these tumors removed from my body.  Going forward, I will continue to do the necessary work to keep the cancer at bay.  And hopefully the future will bring many years of being cancer free.

Thanks to everyone for sending all the positive and supportive comments, emails, phone and text messages.  I feel the love.  And it is a beautiful thing.  I couldn’t make it through this journey without you.

Warm hugs,  – T

26 Responses

  1. Hey, the good ABSOLUTELY outweighs the bad! Are you kidding me? Yes the cancer found a way to grow again, sure….but NOT to spread, to the point where it cant be removed. This is fucking WONDERFUL news. The only place you have any new cancer is in a place youre not going to have much longer. I am so fucking relieved I am crying like a baby as I type this. I was SO fucking worried. Now lets get that shit out of there! Thanks for the good news, my darling.

  2. I’m so glad to learn that the surgery can go forward! What wonderful news that the cancer is still confined to what is going to be removed! As to whether you did or did not do this or that in the past — I think Lazarus Long had some very good advice there — “We always let water over the bridge lie where Jesus flang it.” Learn whatever the lessons may be, if you think they are there to be learnt, then give that wicked old big C a big sloppy kiss goodbye, and move on back/forward into the Now again… Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers — Much love, John

    • So sorry to hear about your sister. Cancer sucks – for the people who have it & for those who love us. I know I’ve been able to get through so far because of the tremendous support I’ve received from people all over. Just know that every little thing you do to help & support your sister will make the journey easier to bear. Good luck to you & your sister & your family. – T

  3. Continue to fight like a prize fighter, you have boxed it into a corner and now go for the knock out punch and the victory!!! We’re all ringside for you cheering !

  4. Sweetie, focus on what you must be doing right, in that the cancer is staying localized and you’ve chosen to do what needs to be done, in your brave choice to have it surgically removed. Waiting with open arms to help you through it. Love you.

  5. You know Ter, it’s almost like your tumours were giving you their final farewells by reminding you that you need to get rid of them or else they will keep consuming space in your almost-cancer free body. You will be cancer-free. We all know it. xx

  6. Sometimes you can do everything “right” and the body will do what it’s going to do. It’s awesome that it’s restricted to the breast and it will all be taken out next week. You will be cancer free!

  7. Terri, that’s great news that the cancer has not spread! I’m praying for you and will be thinking of you next week….You’re one strong lady!

    Hugs to you,Terri.

    Gigi

  8. Great news the cancer hasn’t spread. All the best with getting out those damn tumours and going forward as a gorgeous cancer free lady. Sending lots & lots of positives vibes your way Terri.

  9. This is fabulous news Terri!! There is no cancer spreading, and now what is there will be gone!!! Next week!!! So, I know it was a bit to process, but know that it is soon to be over and we love and support you truly through this. You are a true survivor!!!! Hugs and kisses!!!!

  10. OK! The good news is ALL the news. The bad news is just a side affect. EVERYTHING GROWS in four months. You are in the perfect condition to throw that awkward reality away. You are all lined up to do that, so where is the worry?
    This is a HAPPY DAY! Enjoy it!

  11. Terri, this is wonderful news…we must continue to see the positive in every step we take. Next week you will be cancer free, what a blessing. I will call Laurie next week and answer any questions you may have…let’s get this over and done with!! Blessings always.

  12. Awesome news Terri! Please don’t hook into negative feelings about the tumours growing, focus in on the fact that the wretched cancer hasn’t spread again. This is great! You are doing an amazing job of kicking it’s ass and the surgery next week will give it a further good, sound drubbing. I’m holding you in my thoughts.
    Post surgery, take a look in your area and see if you can find a Vodder trained MLD (Manual Lymph Drainage) practitioner. The Vodder technique is the first and still really the best treatment for potential lymphedema after surgery. It often doesn’t show up until as much as three years post surgery, but is no fun if it comes along. Some early treatment might be well worthwhile.
    Big love and hugs to all of you.

  13. I found this blog after looking up stuff on your dad…I’ve lost several loved ones to cancer. My best friend is getting tested for MS. I’ve almost died several times due to lymphedema. Don’t let this kick your ass. This world needs good people, wonderful people. I can tell just by reading all that you’ve written on the front page of your blog alone that you are a kind, decent person..fight it, damn it. The world needs people like you. I want to thank you for inspiring me my heart goes out to you.

    • Thanks for sharing and thanks for the kind words & morale booster. So sorry to hear about your losses and health scares. What is going on in this world that there is so much sickness?!?! It’s not right! I will keep up the fight and continue to share my story. I will never give up. How can I, when I’ve got so many people pushing me forward? Big hugs, – T

  14. Coming in late – our server was down when I went to bed so I read, though couldn’t respond. But I’m so happy about the scans I could dance, if I could dance ;-)!!! You are *clearly* doing the right things, and doing them well. No 2nd, 3rd and 4th guessing, Sweetie! Go get those tumors! I’m right behind you, and wrapping you in my heart. <3

  15. Dear Terri Luanna, I’m so happy to read your latest news! You’ve shown you’ve got the strength, stamina and spiritial power to fight cancer and I”m so excited for you to get it out of you!! I’ll be thinking of you and your family over the next week and I send you our prayers and thoughts. x Marg

  16. Dear Terri,
    Please know you have so many people who love and support you. Keep finding your amazing strength every day to move forward. Be well.

    Love, Joyce

  17. *s* ah Hun, it is what it is and WAY better than it could have been. I hope the surgery goes well, and if they leave in a juice box (chest drain, but seriously that’s what it looked like!) use it once for a gag! LOL good luck on your amazonion recovery ;D

    <3 the chili bowl boobed patchwork doll

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