Tomorrow commences the scanning ritual I must now endure every 4 months for the rest of my life. Except this time around I’ve got some extra scans thrown in for my surgery prep. It’s so freakin’ time consuming.
My schedule tomorrow includes a 10am injection (for my afternoon bone scan), an 11am psychotherapy appointment (in another town), a 1pm bone scan, and then a routine EKG and chest x-ray. Insane!
The week continues with an MRI and PET scan. Plus, I have an appointment to visit my dermatologist for my 6-month check-in to make sure the VERY early stage melanoma I had surgery done on in 2008 does not come back.
On top of this, I’m trying to coordinate all the details and paperwork for my upcoming surgery on September 13th in NYC… Filling out medical forms… Fedexing scan reports… Obtaining biopsy samples… Coordinating temporary housing referrals… Booking flights… Figuring out logistics… Getting blood-work done… It’s never ending.
I don’t even know how I’m feeling about the surgery itself. I haven’t had the time to just sit and think about what it’ll be like. Or maybe I’m purposefully trying to NOT think about what it will be like. How scary this is. How much pain I’m going to be in. How incapacitated I’ll be.
Instead, I just keep focusing on the here & now. What I have to get done in the next 24 hrs. The fun moments and memories that are constantly evolving around me. The beauty in the sunset. The beauty of my daughter. The beauty of nature. The beauty in celebrating my 9 year wedding anniversary. The beauty of being back home in Ohio and sleeping in my own bed, next to my husband.
It’s so much more fun to think about the beauty that’s all around me in the present moment than to think about the pain and stress of my upcoming surgery.
At my last reiki appointment with Renee she brought me the tarot card of Power or Strength (Renee pulls a new card from her tarot deck each week to give to her clients as a spiritual check-in and reminder of where you’re at). Reading the power card refocused my energy and reminded me to continue on my path. It spoke to my unlimited power as a spiritual being and how keeping my body, mind, soul, and spirit balanced can help me overcome any obstacle in life.
As long as I do my best to stay balanced – take care of myself, relax, have fun, eat well, exercise, meditate – I can deal with everything else. It’s only when I’m not attending to my basic needs and internal balance that I get off kilter, feel stressed, have all sorts of pains, and get overly anxious about everything.
But now when I feel myself veering off course and reaching my tipping point, the new Terri makes a conscious effort to re-balance as quickly as possible. It’s not easy. But I’m trying.
Maybe it’s time we all take a step back and assess how balanced we truly are and try to realign ourselves before we get so unbalanced that we topple over.
As I go through the next few weeks, I know that remaining balanced is key. I also know that through my connection to ‘The Universe’ I have the power to make it through anything. We all do.
Peace. – T