Let The Scans Begin!

Tomorrow commences the scanning ritual I must now endure every 4 months for the rest of my life.  Except this time around I’ve got some extra scans thrown in for my surgery prep.  It’s so freakin’ time consuming.

My schedule tomorrow includes a 10am injection (for my afternoon bone scan), an 11am psychotherapy appointment (in another town), a 1pm bone scan, and then a routine EKG and chest x-ray.  Insane!

The week continues with an MRI and PET scan.  Plus, I have an appointment to visit my dermatologist for my 6-month check-in to make sure the VERY early stage melanoma I had surgery done on in 2008 does not come back.

On top of this, I’m trying to coordinate all the details and paperwork for my upcoming surgery on September 13th in NYC…  Filling out medical forms…  Fedexing scan reports…  Obtaining biopsy samples…  Coordinating temporary housing referrals…  Booking flights…  Figuring out logistics…  Getting blood-work done…  It’s never ending.

I don’t even know how I’m feeling about the surgery itself.  I haven’t had the time to just sit and think about what it’ll be like.  Or maybe I’m purposefully trying to NOT think about what it will be like.  How scary this is.  How much pain I’m going to be in.  How incapacitated I’ll be.

Instead, I just keep focusing on the here & now.  What I have to get done in the next 24 hrs.  The fun moments and memories that are constantly evolving around me.  The beauty in the sunset.  The beauty of my daughter.  The beauty of nature.  The beauty in celebrating my 9 year wedding anniversary.  The beauty of being back home in Ohio and sleeping in my own bed, next to my husband.

It’s so much more fun to think about the beauty that’s all around me in the present moment than to think about the pain and stress of my upcoming surgery.

At my last reiki appointment with Renee she brought me the tarot card of Power or Strength (Renee pulls a new card from her tarot deck each week to give to her clients as a spiritual check-in and reminder of where you’re at).  Reading the power card refocused my energy and reminded me to continue on my path.  It spoke to my unlimited power as a spiritual being and how keeping my body, mind, soul, and spirit balanced can help me overcome any obstacle in life.

As long as I do my best to stay balanced – take care of myself, relax, have fun, eat well, exercise, meditate – I can deal with everything else.  It’s only when I’m not attending to my basic needs and internal balance that I get off kilter, feel stressed, have all sorts of pains, and get overly anxious about everything.

But now when I feel myself veering off course and reaching my tipping point, the new Terri makes a conscious effort to re-balance as quickly as possible.  It’s not easy.  But I’m trying.

Maybe it’s time we all take a step back and assess how balanced we truly are and try to realign ourselves before we get so unbalanced that we topple over.

As I go through the next few weeks, I know that remaining balanced is key.  I also know that through my connection to ‘The Universe’ I have the power to make it through anything.  We all do.

Peace.  – T

12 Responses

  1. Terri…you inspire me with each new blog. Keep up the good work with focusing on what is in front of you. Please call me if you have any questions prior to your surgery. Sending blessings. Xoxo

    • Thanks Cindy. As surgery time draws nearer I’ll be sure to keep you in mind for any questions I may have. Knowing how successful your surgery was is already a boost for me and gives me hope that mine will also be a success. Blessing right back at ya. – T

  2. Your words are such a blessing to me.Though I do not have cancer,I have health issues that have changed my life and may well shorten it…and will certainly make it less pleasant.So balance is always an issue.Change is often unpleasant and scary,but if we can find our balance,we can ride it rather than be ridden.As you say,we have the power to do anything.May you be blessed in your journey…

    • Thank you Vicki. And may you be blessed in your journey as well. In my research I’m discovering that “the rules” apply to all of us – regardless of what our health issues are. We’re all in the same boat together – striving to live well and get through our illnesses the best way possible. I wish you well. – T

  3. All that plus blogging ;-)! My 2nd reaction was, tell me how you do the re-balancing quickly, but I know how you do it. You work at it and practice, practice, practice. There *is no quick way.* A very good reminder for me!

    You are wise to focus on the beauty instead of worrying and anticipating what surgery will be like, which would only add unpleasantness now to whatever the downside will be. No need for that. You will endure what you must, but you will have the help of the medical staff, your own strength and grounding, and the support of all those who care and love you to carry you through. Please count me as one of them!

    • Oh Elizabeth… The re-balancing is definitely still a work in progress. And something I look at every week in my therapy sessions. I find the most helpful thing on a day-to-day basis is just trying to keep the stress levels at bay (in whatever way I can). Interestingly enough, my monthly breast cancer support group topic next week is all about keeping stress at bay. I’ll let ya know if I learn anything new.
      And thank you so much for your continued support and words of wisdom. It means a lot.
      Much love, – T

  4. Wow, Terri, you truly are an inspiration! I am one of your followers here in Mass., (friends with your aunt.) You have to be one of the strongest persons I know…and although you don’t know many of us, we are with you and keeping you close in our thoughts and prayers. Some of us have gone through similar (cancer) procedures, but you certainly top the group with your positive outlook! Stay strong…tons of supporters are always with you!!

    • Hi Regina, thanks for the support. It really helps me stay positive and grateful. I am realizing that my well intentioned Summer Tour of Love and Thanks has failed to allow me to properly thank so many people that have been supporting me from afar. I would love to meet up with you and all the other gals going through similar stuff next time I’m in Massachusetts. Hope you are well. Hugs, – T

  5. My heart goes out to you. You have so much going on yet you stop by to let us all know how you are doing. It does my heart good to hear you are taking the time to “smell the roses” as you continue on this journey. *hugs*

  6. dear Terri,
    thank you for creating this inspiring website!
    I’m with you and pray/sing/chant ‘Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu’ maeaning “May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.”.
    I suffered severe (mental) illness myself and totally recovered, My very dear friend and martial art master Sylvester suffered heart failure for more than 20 minutes (somehow he had become a homeless drug addict at this time in his life), his life had become worthless according to doctors and family. Through the great love&strength/power of his (btw also gorgious) Portuguese girlfriend Celia ,who happens a.o. to be a Chinese medicine practitioner, he walks, talks, swims and plays his saxophone as never before!
    Aom Shanti°Peace AOMmmmmmmmmmmh

    ps Did you all ready check out Byron Katie´s youtube vids on the cancer topic?

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