After a bit of a rough week I am feeling a lot better today. Mostly because I found out the aches and pains i’ve been feeling are likely side effects from the Herceptin i’m taking.
While I was killing time at Penn Station yesterday, waiting for the Long Island Railroad, I googled Herceptin side effects and found people complaining about the following:
- Sore ribs, backs, and bones … Check.
- Weak fingernails and cracking skin … Check.
- Random headaches … Check.
- Feeling tired all the time … Check.
- Brain fog and memory problems … Check.
- Nausea and dizzy spells … Check.
Before my google search I just assumed all the symptoms meant the cancer was coming back, growing, and spreading. And I was definitely starting to freak out. But now my mind is at ease (for the moment at least). And oddly enough the pains seem to have dramatically lessened since I found all this out.
And, as always, it feels fantastic to be back in NY. Being here does wonders for me as well.
Despite a nearly 9 hour journey to get here, Miss M and I remained upbeat through it all… The delayed flights… The long waits… Transferring from cars to buses to planes to trains… I swear Miss M is the best travel buddy ever.
I noticed that I too, was handling things better than usual. The old me would have been stressing about timing each connection perfectly, anticipating Miss M’s every need, and trying to get to the end destination as quick as possible. But the new me just went with the flow. Made decisions as I went along. Arrived at the train station and boarded the next available train instead of stressing over the fact that we had just missed the previous one by 2 minutes.
As I said in therapy last week, I am keenly aware of my patterns and self-defeating behaviours, now my challenge is to accept the curveballs life throws at me and make different choices. Turn my patterns upside-down. Interrupt the self-defeating actions before they take over.
Each day offers a new challenge. And while I certainly have my bad days, I remain determined not to let life’s challenges take me down.
Right now, I am focused on the magnificence of summer in NY… Spending time with family and friends… And getting ready for my surgeon appointments (that are now confirmed for Monday and Tuesday next week).
I really am one lucky lady.
Peace. – T
