Guess who’s going back to NYC??? That would be me and Miss M! Yay!
I got an appointment with a surgeon (Dr. King) at Memorial Sloan-Kettering in NYC on July 31st. The day before I am supposed to set off for Vancouver. So I’m gonna squeeze in a 5 day trip to the Big Apple right before jetting off to the west coast. So psyched! Still have to work out all the details… But I’m trusting it’ll all come together – as it always does.
Sure is gonna be some crazy traveling over the next 6 weeks. But I’m up for it. And so is Miss M. When I asked her today if she wanted to go on another trip or stay here in Ohio, she said, “I wanna travel!” I love it!! She’s already mapping out her plans for the big city… Requesting to see the “dinosaur bones” at the Natural History museum and go for a bike ride in Central Park… She even asked if she could bring her bicycle on the airplane. Too cute.
Then the day after I return from Vancouver I’m scheduled to go to Chicago to meet with another surgeon (Dr. Bethke) at Northwestern. After that we’ll decide who we like best and when we’re gonna do the surgery.
Surgery. Yuck. I hate medical procedures.
Truthfully, when I think about going through with the mastectomy it kinda terrifies me… The pain… The anesthesia… The scars… The constant reminder of the fact that I have cancer every time I get dressed or look down at my chest.
Just the other day I was chatting with a women from Miss M’s amazing preschool who is from Long Island (immediate connection) and is a cancer survivor… I asked her if the whole cancer thing gets any easier with time. Do you think about it less often… She told me it is impossible to ever forget that you’ve had cancer. Even though she was diagnosed 20 years ago she is still reminded of the fact on a daily basis. She explained that her body is a constant reminder. From the body parts that were either added or taken away… To the scars (both physical and mental)… And the hair that grew back differently… She said the cancer just becomes a part of who you are. The new you. The new life.
What she said stuck with me. And led me to ask, once again, “What do I want this new life to look like?”
I feel this tremendous urge to make my life worth something. To life as fully and completely as I possibly can. To accept the challenges that breast cancer throws at me. To accept the new person that I am becoming.
Even though it’s so clichéd, I love the idea of having a bucket list (or life list) to keep track of all that I want my life to be. So I’m doing one. I am creating a separate page for my Life List that I can update, add to, and cross off. If you have one too I’d love to know about some of the items on your list.
Let’s get out there and live life!
Peace. – T