So a few weeks ago I stopped seeing therapist # 2. Damn, it’s hard to find the right therapist.
But I still need to find someone. I need to understand what’s going on in my head. I need to look at the patterns & defenses that may have contributed to the development of my cancer. I need to process the grief of losing my mom.
Seriously, if anyone knows of an outstanding psychotherapist in the Dayton area please send the info my way.
Even though I’m not in therapy right now I continue to find other ways to “do therapy” on my own… Most of this comes in the form of various shows on Oprah’s new OWN network (her Super Soul Sunday series in particular) as well as lots and lots of books. And of course this blog. Thanks everyone!
The most recent book I am reading is The Type C Connection: The Behavioral Links to Cancer and Your Health by clinical psychologist Lydia Temoshok, PH.D. & Henry Dreher. The general gist is that certain personality types or more likely to develop cancer than others. The cancer prone “type C” personality is a self-sacrificing perfectionist who takes care of everyone else, is dependable, calm, usually unassertive, and unable (or unwilling) to express all their needs and emotions.
I’ve mentioned this whole concept in my blog before… How I see myself as a type C personality (striving to be a balanced type B person). And I can see how stuffing down your feelings and putting yourself last is bound to take a toll on your body and soul. And then the emotional crap ends up manifesting as disease of some kind or another. Mine (as with many type C personalities) happens to be cancer.
Let me be clear that in no way is this a “blame the patient” sort of thing. We are who we are for a number of reasons – genetics, parents, environment, pivotal life events… They all shape the people we become. My own unique mix of events has led me to develop some of the characteristics of the Type C personality. It is what it is.
The last few days, as I watch Oprah & read my book, I’m realizing how important it is to recognize all the different parts of myself. Even the parts I don’t like – or don’t want to look at. The parts that aren’t so pretty. When we try to ignore the pieces of ourselves that we don’t like (or think others won’t like) we just gloss over the truth and present a false self to the world.
I am starting to see that I can’t be my healthiest, most fabulous self until I embrace my whole being. Warts and all!
This is also coming up because tomorrow I’m off to Columbus to do a radio interview about living with fear for CBC (The Canadian Broadcasting Company) – Check it out on twitter and facebook. So of course I’m thinking about my fears. And recognizing how important it is to feel my feelings, no matter how yucky they are, instead of dismissing them like I usually do.
So what do I feel? I am scared of getting really sick. I am afraid of dying. I have resentments. I can be jealous. Sometimes I just want to be totally lazy. I get angry about stuff.
Can someone get me a good therapist please???
Peace. – terri