I came across this photo while in Toronto and it has stayed stuck in my head ever since. As I fret about my fingernails that are about to fall off and the inconvenience of not being able to button Miss M’s sweater or open a pull tab can… People all over the world are dealing with wars, dictatorships, horrific situations… Seeing a picture like this reminded me that life could be so much worse. It’s all relative.
Of course whenever I’m feeling upset and hubby pulls this tactic on me – agreeing that things may seem bad – but remember, it can always be worse – I don’t usually wanna hear it. I just want to complain for a while. Even though I know he’s right. But these days I am consciously making an effort to be more centered, have more gratitude, and count my blessings. Whether or not I’d be this way if my most recent scans didn’t turn out as well as they did – who knows?!!!?
Yes, cancer is forcing me to deal with some pretty heavy shit; my own mortality, grim statistics, lifelong medical treatment, scans, drugs, procedures… But in the here & now I have so much. Freedom. Love. Support from all over the world. The most amazing family and friends. No worries about a bomb blasting beside me on my way to the market. No one abusing me. No one telling me how to live my life.
All of these thoughts were compounded after watching the movie Gone Baby Gone last night. I was riveted. Beyond my crush on Casey Affleck and the fact that the movie was filmed in Boston where my mom was born, I kept thinking about the millions and millions of kids out there with parents who don’t give two shits about them. And then how much I absolutely adore Miss M. And would do pretty much anything for her. But of course as Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better.”
But this doesn’t mean I can’t bitch about my nails, or my patchy baldness, or my low libido, or or my hot flashes, or the fact that cancer is taking me down a very difficult road… I’ll bitch all I want. As long as I don’t get stuck in it and let bitchiness and complaining run my life.
As long as I remember that it’s all relative.