It’s been a rough day. A rough week actually. Not impossible. Just exhausting.
Before sitting down to write this, I happened to read my daily meditation from Melody Beattie’s “Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul”… And of course it was exactly what I needed to hear…
Be Gentle with Your Heart … An open heart is not one-dimensional; joy is not the only emotion it will embrace. Make room in your heart, room in your life, and time in your days to feel other feelings too – anger, grief, fear, exuberance, tenderness, betrayal, exhilaration – all the emotions an open heart feels.
Most of the time I can go about my days feeling relatively normal and almost forgetting that I have metastatic breast cancer. I focus on the positive, try to be grateful, and go about my every-day business just like I always have… Then all of a sudden you spend a week trying to do everything on your own and you realize you’re not ok. Things are different. Your body is weaker than it used to be. You have pains you never used to have. You are reminded that you do have cancer. And you need help.
On those days (like today) it’s important for me to remember that it’s perfectly fine to feel angry, and frustrated, and sad.
This is tough fight. And I’m in it for the long haul. To be honest, I don’t really like to think about it too much. How hard this is going to be. How much help I need. How I’ll likely be taking medication (in some form or another) for the rest of my life. How I will always have to monitor what I eat. How my plans for the future have changed. How this is going to impact my marriage. How my life will be dictated by my treatment schedule.
This sucks. And yes, I am angry, frustrated, and sad.
But as I always say – tomorrow is another day.