The Circle of Support

It’s been an interesting couple of days.

Yesterday I woke up feeling like crap.  That damn cold put me in a bad space.  I was feeling sorry for myself and got into a bad case of the “fuck its”…  As in – Fuck it!  I’m just gonna eat almost a whole bag of Stacy’s cinnamon and sugar pita chips (left here by Auntie D – Thanks!)…  Fuck it!  I might as well throw in a couple of chocolate chip cookies too…  And fuck it!  I’m not gonna exercise today.  I’m too sick…  Waahhh!  Waaahhhh!

By the time hubby got home I was a mess.  He told me get my ass up to bed and go to sleep.  Of course even a simple command such as this is not easy for me.  Remember that amazing lineage of strong and compassionate women i come from??  Well, they are also notorious “doers” who take care of everyone else and have difficulty taking care of themselves.  (Sounds like so many women i know!!!  You know who you are!!)

But last night I remembered what my new therapist said to me, “Doing nothing is doing something – It’s taking care of yourself.”  Doing nothing helps you heal.

So I did it.  I went to bed at 6pm last night and slept all the way till this morning.  Now today, I’m feeling much, much better.

Are you running on empty??  Go ahead – do nothing for a bit – and bring on the healing.

I’ve also been getting lots of concerned calls, texts, and emails about how hubby and I are going to handle things on our own next week.  And I think I need to chat for a moment about how amazing the folks in Ohio are.  From the displays of generosity and spirit I’ve seen here I know in my heart that all we have to do is ask and what we need will be taken care of.

Just today, Miss M and I went for lunch at our favorite spot “Bakehouse Bread and Cookie Company” and the owner & head baker Margaret Begg personally came out to say hi to us.  Turns out she’s been reading my blog.  She refused to take my money for our lunch and promised to keep me in her prayers.  I’m guessing she found out about my story from my dear friend Amy who organized the delicious gift of weekly bread deliveries from Bakehouse.  Thanks Amy!  And these are just a few examples of the outpouring of support and love coming at me.

The parents and staff at Miss M.’s preschool have gone out of their way to offer support…  Making me a gorgeous prayer shawl…  Bringing me organic medicinal mushroom soup from Dayton…  Plus all the neighbours and friends offering help with Miss M whenever and however I need it…

And it’s not just the folks here in Ohio who have been going the extra mile…  I heard tickets are already getting close to selling-out for my benefit concert in New Bedford on March 2nd…  Plus, I’ve got strangers sending me supplements to build my immune system…  And others offering to send me scarves to wear on my newly shaven head…  Not to mention the gazzilions of you who have donated and sent money…  Can I tell you how heavenly it is to have money set aside in a separate account just to pay all the medical bills that keep coming in.  Really.

I could literally go on & on & on about all of the beautiful things people keep offering up.  And it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around this much love and support.

But then I think of my mom.  And remember when she was battling stage 4 cancer how thousands and thousands of people from all over the world came out of the woodwork with a story to tell about how my mom had touched their lives…  Listened to their story…  Offered a few wise words…  Gave them a hug…  Or just a smile and her attention…  I’m not sure she even realized what an impact she had on other people’s lives.  I hope she does now.

I guess I am my mother’s daughter.

So may she offer a lesson to all of us…  To put our best foot forward.  To be present.  To make connections.  You never know how your actions may affect the life of another person.

Peace.  – T

16 Responses

  1. Yes, Ms Warrior, Ma’am.
    You are your mother’s daughter. ( I am sure Spider had a bit to do with it too>)
    And yes you touch us wall-living denizens.
    So yes, rest. And take care of yourself as you can.
    and be assured that we pray for you, and will do for you what our wall living permits.
    and we care.

    warmest regards
    just another denizen of the walls

  2. Not that the previous posts weren’t ever tear-jerkers but this one takes the cake T! Thanks for your wise words and being so brave and generous in our time of need to share it all with us. I feel truly grateful for you. Love and blessings to your an the family in your ongoing journey…

  3. Rock on Teri-luanna! Bald is beautiful! I shave my head on purpose – just think of all the cash you’re saving on hair care products! Your mum got me into zen (i’m sure she didn’t mean to) – and now I’m a priest – lighting some incense for you here in England!

  4. One of my deepest regrets is that I will never have the opportunity to read aloud to Jeanne the more than 6,000 emails I’ve received about her since she left, from people whose lives she touched. That’s why this blog and its comments section are so special. You are your mother’s daughter, every bit as special as she was, and I am so proud of you. Your husband is right: please treat yourself as well as you treat others.

  5. Soooo happy you were able to step back for a moment and think about YOU for a minute – we had this dicussion this week, didn’t we, about resting, napping? Rest will heal. And it’s not a waste of a waking moment – it’s a guarantee that you’ll be able to better appreciate and be IN the waking moment, to the fullest.
    Lovely week together, darling, and yes I will try not to let the craziness of my life get the best of me either :)
    Glad you liked the cinnamon & sugar pita chips…enjoy them!
    Hugs and kisses,
    Auntie D.

  6. I remain in awe of you and your strength through all you are going through. wishing I could offer more, I offer prayers for you and your whole family multiple times a day.
    Ann

  7. After seeing a note on Facebook I looked at your father’s website that directed me here. The unconnected world is connecting and keeping you in their thoughts. Much luck.

  8. You and your family will be in my prayers. I have been blessed with your family’s gift of story telling. Take care of yourself

    Lexi

  9. Dear Terri Luanna,

    Your mother knew (and knows, I firmly believe). Your mother knew/knows exactly who and what she was/is — among many other things, an artist far in advance of her time. You are the daughter of extraordinary, loving human beings, the mother of another, the wife of another, the niece and granddaughter of yet still more, the friend of many more than that. How could you be anything else or other than who you are?

    With love and admiration and gratitude,

    John

  10. My family is putting you in our prayers. I don’t know, it seems that things have been tough for the Robinson clan lately. BUT I know that children of Americans and Canadians are tough. You should see my little Can-okie (Canadian-Oklahoman), he’s tough as nails. We’re hardy folk…and you seem to be as well.

    You’ll beat this. Medicine gets better and prayer brings strength.

  11. God bless you, Ms Woman-Warrior, for being your mother’s daughter, for having her strength and her courage (as well as Spiders). I bet you are the most beautiful bald-headed woman in Ohio!

  12. You are both your parents’ daughter! In a weird sort of way I’ve known of you for a large part of my life siince I followed your father’s writings since before you were born, and read books that were dedicated to you – knew who you were and knew you had to be remarkable to be the daughter of such stunning parents. Now I find out that you are remarkable in your own right…yes, your mother and father are and were awesome – I wept for your mother’s passing, and have held you all in my thoughts and prayers and energy. But in reading through this I see, that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts…or parents. You are a remarkable person in your own right and I am honored to find your blog and read it. You are in my thoughts and prayers and energy for who and what you are and these courageous words you have written…and not just because you are Spider and Jeanne’s daughter. Be strong, and when you can’t be strong, then be loved and honored and cherished! Blessings upon you – I’ll be reading!

  13. hope some of those supplements help… if there’s anything in particular you’d like, just let me know :)
    and make sure your family keeps up with their vitamins, so they can stay healthy, and keep their immune systems strong …
    😀
    <3
    serena

  14. Dear Terri —
    Got here from the benefit blog, have been reading through your tales and your Dad’s. Fan of both their writings, so pleased to virtually meet you — though not under these circumstances, which you are handling exceedingly well, so congratulations for that!
    I came to hospice work by way of Gyn/Onc hospital work. I get your clinical situation. Coming from alternative medicine first, I ~totally~ get your commitment to wellness and maintaining a positive quality of life. RIGHT answer!!
    Sounds like you’ve found the OSU cancer center, and Dad writes you have backup from Sloan Kettering, so you’re in really good hands. You’ve already found a Reiki worker, which is one other place I’d go, and it sounds like you’ve bonded beautifully so that’s all good. Remember to give yourself a moment of pure beauty every single day … it makes the journey much better. :)
    You’ve got a supporter up in Cleveland — and I see your site will capture my e-dress, so please feel free to drop a note if I can be of service. Best and blessings — :Dana

Comments are closed.