Green Light

Got the green light today to go ahead with chemo again.  Yay!

My white blood cell count needed to be around 2,000 and it was 2,500.  Apparently a “normal” person’s WBC count is usually in the range of 5,000 – 10,000.  Last week my count was 1,200.

Understandably, I’ve now become slightly obsessed with raising my white blood count. :-)  If anyone has any tips on how to do that please let me know.  I’m already exercising practically every day and eating healthy (veggies, fruits, beans, whole grains, green tea, healthy fats).  What else can I do???

So tomorrow is chemo day – round 4.  And even after a month of this I still get nervous every week.  What I’m nervous about is not entirely clear.  Maybe I’m afraid of something going wrong?  Afraid of a bad reaction?  Feeling pain?  Afraid of the unknown?  I don’t know…  Life is just really one unknown after another.  Guess that’s why so many of us spend so much time in fear.

I guess the best thing I can do is try to process and understand what i’m feeling (hello therapy!!) and then just come back to the present moment.  Root myself in the here & now.  The task at hand.  And not get caught up in the stinkin’ thinking about the ifs, buts, and coulds of life.

Tomorrow I’m also switching from Taxol to Taxotere.  Hoping my body will react better to the Taxotere because the last few weeks the Taxol has been messin’ with me.  Right when it first goes in, the Taxol burns through me and suffocates me.  Not a good feeling.  I’ve heard this is a pretty common reaction to Taxol and that when this happens, a switch to Taxotere is usually suggested.

In other news…  My hair is officially falling out (or shall I say “thinning out”)…  Not sure how long it’ll take before it’s too thin for me to justify keeping it…  Pondering on getting a super cute blond pixie cut wig to try out.  It’s the style i’ve always wanted to get but never had the balls to commit to.

And…  Round 4 of the family & friends brigade has arrived – Auntie M.  And she is spoiling Miss M rotten!!!  But of course Miss M loves every moment of it.  And it’s great to watch.  It’s so amazing have this much love around to bouy us and keep us afloat.  Making sure Miss M gets through all this relatively unscathed is so important to me and I cannot do it alone.

So big shout-outs and THANKS to my amazing family & friends brigade!  And to all the other beautiful people out there supporting me in this journey.  The things you do are not going unnoticed.

With love to all.  – T