Trust Your Instincts

Paying homage to my hair and my beautiful new scarf from Auntie Cole

Second chemo session today.  So far so good.

Any day now my hair will start falling out.  I’m actually not feeling too emotional about it.  I know one day it’ll grow back again – And from what I hear it grows back thicker and more beautiful than ever before.  Hell yeah!

But I also feel it necessary to pay homage to my hair.  To say thank you hair – for being one of my favorite features.  Thanks for helping me define my style.  Thanks for keeping my ears warm in the winter months.  I will miss you.

Still debating whether or not to get a wig…  I think i’m drawn to it more as a way to keep my head warm than as a fashion statement or safety blanket.  And I have to admit I’m kind of excited to seriously rock all my scarves.

In other news…  The fabulous Auntie Cole has arrived!  This morning Miss M burst into Auntie Cole’s room singing, “Time to wake up!” and then proceeded to smother her with hugs and kisses – Even though when I asked Miss M for a hug 2 minutes earlier there were no hugs for me :-(

Auntie Cole escorted me to my chemo session today and had the honour of being the first person to meet my oncologist (who she was duly impressed and enamored with).  And it felt good to have my own opinion of him and intuition validated.

It was also nice to have my BFF there to hear the news about my recent MRI results…

It seems the PET scan and MRI both show that the suspicious areas in the bone marrow of my left femur bone are most likely cancerous.  My oncologist says he’s pretty certain about the results but if I need to know 110% that it is cancer we can always do a bone biopsy.  Personally, I’m not keen on going through one of those right about now so i’m going with his vibe that it’s unnecessary.

Having the cancer in my bones does not change my current chemo regime.  He said the chemo i’m taking now will fight those cancer cells too.  The only new thing will be a monthly medicine i’ll have to take along with my chemo to boost my bone strength.  He also told me to take it easy with weight bearing activities (ie. no running).  The fear is that the cancer can make my bones super brittle and they may eventually fracture (worst case scenario).

Honestly, i’m not too surprised about the results.  In my heart and gut I’ve felt from the start that my cancer had already spread to quite a few areas of my body and they always say tuition is bang on.  So if that’s the case, then my gut feeling about making it through this cancer and going on to live many many years will also become reality.

Thoughts create reality.  I continue to draw on the strength and support of those close to me and all those holding me in their thoughts and prayers.  Together we can make miracles happen.  I feel it.

Peace and love to all.  – T

11 Responses

  1. You are an amazing woman! Every time I read a new entry on your blog I am more and more convinced that your positive attitude will kick your cancers “bum bum” (my 2 yr olds term!) :-)
    Know that I think of you each day and hope that you feel the support!!
    BTW…love the scarf!!

  2. I’m one of “all those holding you in their thoughts and prayers” … read your blog every morning with my coffee and love you, Terri. Come back to NYC soon!
    Mary (spidah’s sistah)

  3. Hi T, I am a friend of Dori’s and I just wanted to say that I, and so many others on facebook have you in our thoughts and are praying for you. Enjoy your time with Aunt Cole and rock those pretty scarves! Sending positive thoughts your way!


  4. I have said it before and will say it again, with more enthusiasm and great respect: YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I love you dear beautiful woman. You have such strength, it is truly awe inspiring. XOXOXOXOX

  5. I can still here “Cole’s” laugh! Laughter really is the best medicine so have a wonderful time with her and yes…accessorize and then some…personally I can see you rockin and funky wig when you want to spice it up :) You and your familiy are in my thoughts and prayers daily!

  6. Your positive attitude and calm approach is truly inspiring – You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope to meet you someday!!

  7. Terri,
    I just heard the news… much luv and hugs to you.
    Graceful worrior doesn’t even begin to express what an amazing woman you are!! You are a delight to know and a perfect example of what so many of us strive to become.You will totally rock the headscarf look!
    yours, a kindred spirit,

  8. Terri,i’ve had you in my thoughts since Mark told me of your courages fight.Wiishing the best for you and your beautiful family.You are one tufffff woman.Your attitude is so awesome! Sennding you some good vibes from Nantucket.<3 Michael ~~~<~~~

  9. Hi! My name is Anita, I am an acquaintence (I guess you could say) of Dori. From what I just read, your hair is not your best feature…your inner beauty and strength are…it is so obvious just reading your words… You will remain as beautiful without your hair!! You will be on our prayer lists and my first prayer will be that you stay strong and never give up through the tough times. Your inner strength and belief that you will get through this is amazing…don’t let it go. Miracles do happen to those who believe. May God touch you and bring you through this as quickly as possible. You sound so incredibly strong! Bless you …

  10. I’m glad your doc is so focused on what’s important – YOU- and being real about the bone biopsy, it sounds like you found a doc as grounded as you are and I’m glad you are having that experience. I am glad that you trusted your gut. Positive thoughts coming your way. Sending love to the whole Silva bunch. Bjs

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