Grandpa is gone. He left bright and early yesterday morning.
Today – Miss M is a complete and utter mess. When I ask her why she’s so fussy and sad she says to me, “because I miss grandpa!” Poor thing. After spending over 7 whole weeks with us here in Ohio it was finally time for grandpa to go back home. And boy do we miss him.
It must have been divine intervention (with some help from my mom) that landed grandpa on our doorstep the night before I was scheduled to go in for my mammogram way back in November. Having him here for my initial diagnosis and being able to share the news with him firsthand, in person, was how it was meant to be. And having him here to play with Miss M and lavish her with attention and play her songs on the guitar while mommy (aka: mamae) went to endless doctors appointments couldn’t have been more perfect. Miss M ADORES her grandpa beyond imagination.
I can’t even begin to comprehend what my dad is going through right now… Just a year and a half ago he lost his wife of 35 years to cancer and now his daughter is diagnosed with stage IV cancer too!?!? That’s definitely another “WTF” moment.
On our drive to the airport yesterday, he admitted that he has yet to truly process the news. That being in our home, caught up in the day-to-day madness of our lives and the holidays and the demands of Miss M didn’t allow him the chance to really sit with what is going on and feel whatever he has to feel. So going home is good for him. It will give him the chance to process it without worrying about how his tears may affect Miss M or me.
And now, the family gets ready for more visitors…
Tonight my BFF (and Miss M’s god/earth mother) Auntie “Cole” arrives. Yay! It’ll be nice to have some more female energy in the house. And it’s always nice to have your best friend around.
Tomorrow morning I go back into the doctor for my 2nd round of chemo. I’ve been trying to get everything done and in order these last few days while i’m feeling full of energy, just in case I feel like crap after chemo.
Yesterday, Miss M and I actually had a fabulous day together – full of smiles, love, and happy moments. It was my first day alone with her in ages. We went to the children’s museum, made a delicious fish dinner, and had a impromptu dance party in the kitchen when LL Cool J’s “Round the Way Girl” came on the radio. No tantrums. No tears. Just good times.
I realize that my goal for life now is to have as many good times as possible. Surround myself with everything and everyone that brings me joy. And let go of the stuff that brings me down.
Here’s to enjoying the moment and creating memories! – T