Today was a better day.
Realizing it was a better day, I of course then try to figure out what helped to make it a better day… Was it because I exercised today? Because I drank my allotted 1 cup of coffee at 2pm instead of 9am? Or maybe because I ended up skipping my anti-nausea meds? Who the heck knows.
I did go for my first therapy session today. Maybe that helped too?? Not sure exactly how I feel about my therapist. But I’m willing to give her a chance.
We briefly touched on the numerous tragedies of the last 3 years – with so much to process and work through it’s tough to know where to begin. We set up another session for next week and agreed to meet weekly for now. I’m really hoping this will help me release any of the trauma that may still be stuck in the cells of my body. I know stress and trauma create a breeding ground for cancer. And even though I’m finally taking care of myself now – I realize I have 3 years of stressful emotions I may still be holding onto somewhere inside me. It’s time to acknowledge them and let them go.
I’m also happy that hubby met with a social worker last week too and has agreed to start going to therapy as well. Yay!
Having been in the caretaker position before I know how taxing it is taking care of a sick loved one (while working and raising a toddler to boot). I don’t want hubby to get sick too. I need him to be healthy and strong – for all of us.
I think about all the unfortunate women out there struggling with cancer who have unhelpful partners. You know those partners – the ones who are too selfish to help… who only add more stress to the situation… make things worse… or who abandon their partners all together in the midst of a crisis or illness… And I feel so much gratitude to have the husband that I do. Sure hubby has his flaws (don’t we all!???)… But in almost 9 years of marriage he has proven himself over and over again.
When the chips are down and life throws us a curve ball (as it has numerous times) – he stays strong and supports me 100%. When I needed to move our family 3000 miles away to care for and be with my mom after she was diagnosed with cancer – he had my back… After my melanoma surgery and breast biopsies he’s the one who carefully removed the bandages and tended to my wounds… When I’m feeling down he surprises me with flowers, a funny card, or a silly way of looking at things… Through 30+ hours of labour and childbirth he was my rock… And now, when I worry about losing my hair, gaining weight, or having my breasts removed, he tells me I will always be beautiful to him and none of these things will ever make him stop loving me.
So thank you my love. For being my rock. My support system. My best friend. My partner in life.
I know a big reason I will get through this is because of you.
Love to all. – T