I am tired.
Physically tired. Mentally tired. Tired of being poked and prodded. Tired of endless doctors appointments. Tired of never ending scans and tests (in the last month & a half I’ve had a mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy, CT scan, bone scan, PET scan, 3 MRIs, and an EKG)… And I may still have to do a bone biopsy.
I miss my old energetic self. I miss feeling healthy. I miss being able to take care of the house, my daughter, our lives.
I hate yawning all day and feeling “spent”. I hate all the little twinges of pain I feel – in my breast, my arm, my back, my shoulder. One moment there, the next moment gone but still forcing me to stop what i’m doing. I hate that all the little tasks of my every day life (groceries, Miss M’s bath, cooking meals) have now become major energy zappers.
This is only the beginning of my journey and I can’t help but think about all the months and years ahead of me. Will I ever feel like my old healthy self again?
Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Sometimes it’s just hard to stay positive.
Tomorrow is another day.
Peace and love. – T