I am tired.

Physically tired.  Mentally tired.  Tired of being poked and prodded.  Tired of endless doctors appointments.  Tired of never ending scans and tests (in the last month & a half I’ve had a mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy, CT scan, bone scan, PET scan, 3 MRIs, and an EKG)…  And I may still have to do a bone biopsy.

I miss my old energetic self.  I miss feeling healthy.  I miss being able to take care of the house, my daughter, our lives.

I hate yawning all day and feeling “spent”.  I hate all the little twinges of pain I feel – in my breast, my arm, my back, my shoulder.  One moment there, the next moment gone but still forcing me to stop what i’m doing.  I hate that all the little tasks of my every day life (groceries, Miss M’s bath, cooking meals) have now become major energy zappers.

This is only the beginning of my journey and I can’t help but think about all the months and years ahead of me.  Will I ever feel like my old healthy self again?

Bitch.  Bitch.  Bitch.  Sometimes it’s just hard to stay positive.

Tomorrow is another day.

Peace and love.  – T


9 Responses

  1. Dear Terri,

    You go right ahead and bitch — letting off the steam is a good thing. And as for tomorrow being another day — well, that’s spot on, too, — and if you don’t believe ME, then just lend an ear to THESE two experts:

    Sending you love and courage and admiration — despite my taste in videos —


  2. Today is almost done. Good riddance. And you bitch and rant and rave all you want…
    Thanks John for bringing some light and hope to tomorrow.
    Love you to pieces, Laurie

  3. Dear Terri,
    I’m an old friend of your dad’s from back in LeMoyne College days, just sending prayers and love and as much positive energy your way as one person can.
    Ann Clune

  4. Dear Terri,

    Please know that the Green Gulch Farm community will include you in our well-being-ceremony and send you our heartfelt best wishes in facing your challenges day by day!

    Assistant to Reb Anderson

  5. I love you cousin Terry and I pray you get better…Keep strong and positive even though it’s hard keeping positive. Let out the stress and frustration when you have to because it’s good for you…I know I have to do the same sometimes…Again, i LOVE you

  6. Hey darlin!! Take each hour, each day, one moment at a time. That is all you can do. When you feel any energy at all, do a little extra. Maybe cook an additional meal for the next day or make a triple batch for leftovers for several days. When you are not up to cooking, cleaning, or anything..that is ok. You have to listen to your body. Or even better, have that wonderful Brazilian food cooked from your wonderful husband!!!! :) We are sending you love and prayers from here, and because you have such strength and courage, you will feel be your old energetic self again!!! I have complete faith in that!!!! Love you much!!!

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