The more doctors I meet with, the more confused I get.
There are just so many variables to consider… My relationship with the doctor, the reputation of the facility, the different treatment recommendations, access to cutting edge treatments, logistics and timing… How do i prioritize?
I went into my meeting in Columbus settled and sure in my new plan to pursue treatment there. But left feeling unsupported and unsure of my decision. While I loved the facility in all its sparkling glory and fancy amenities and resources, I did not love my doctor. Meanwhile, I really like the local small town oncologist I’ve been working with here but am very dubious about the local hospital. And while I LOVED everything about my experience in NY I just can’t find a way to make pursuing treatment there a viable option. Sigh.
There really are no easy answers, are there?
What I do know is that I need to make a decision FAST. My tumors have almost doubled in size since my initial diagnosis in mid-November. I need to start treatment NOW. I don’t have time to keep “shopping” for the perfect doctor and treatment facility. I need to just make a decision and do something.
As it stands right now, I have 2 separate chemo appointments scheduled for next week – one with my local guy and one in Columbus. I guess I’ll just mull things over during the course of the weekend and then go with what feels right come Monday.
The emotional roller coaster of this diagnosis is so intense and psychotic. I started today confident and assured of my new plan… spent my drive home in a teary anger filled rant of despair… came home sad and confused… and then received a positive boost of hope and reassurance from stories of survival posted on the internet and shared by a dear family friend who is successfully battling breast cancer herself.
And through it all, life goes on. The dishes need to be done. Toys need tidying. My little girl needs a bath and bedtime story. Life goes on. And I will go on. Just as thousands of other stage IV breast cancer warriors do.
Amen. – T