So i met with my oncologist today and it appears my diagnosis has changed.
To be honest, i’m a little confused about the whole situation. What started out as simple, easy, curable, Stage IIB breast cancer only a month ago, now appears to be possibly Stage IV metastatic breast cancer!!??!! It seems the PET scan I had last week shows some serious lymph node involvement beyond what we originally thought – positive lymph nodes around the chest muscles of BOTH breasts, my lungs, my collarbone, throat, and other areas. PLUS, there’s some questionable areas in the bone marrow of my middle back and left leg femur bone – Even though my bone scan from 2 weeks earlier said all my bones looked fine! As the title of this post says… WTF!!!???!!!!
This means my entire treatment protocol is changing. To what? We’re still not sure yet. I’m finding out about a bunch of possible clinical trials… I’ll be going for an MRI to check on the status of the bone marrow concerns… I’m consulting with the team at Sloan Kettering in NY about the changes and revised diagnosis to see what they suggest… And i’m planning to move my ENTIRE treatment over to a more respected and cutting edge cancer center associated with Ohio State University in Columbus.
In the meantime, I’m scheduled to start an entirely different chemo regime on Thursday morning (involving Herceptin, Paclitaxel, and Carboplatin). Unless of course, things change again. And beyond that… Who knows.
Emotionally I’m a bit all over the place (as is to be expected). I find myself looking around in stores and on the streets and thinking, “why don’t all these overweight, unstable, and unhealthy people have cancer?” What the heck did I do that brought me to this point?? I’m upset that I didn’t trust my gut and seek treatment from a bigger hospital in a bigger city from the beginning. I’m pissed that I can never seem to get the full story about what’s going on. I’m sick of all the tests, and scans, and doctors appointments that have consumed my life every day. I’m pissed that this happened right after I moved to a new state where I know nobody and all my friends and family (that want to be there for me) live in cities far away. I’m worried about my daughter and how this is all going to impact her. I’m scared.
Hopefully writing this blog will help on a number of levels. Help me to express what I’m feeling and going through… And help my loved ones stay up-to-date with what’s going on… And maybe even help another breast cancer warrior out there in the world who happens to stumble across my blog and find something that resonates or touches them in some way.
Welcome to my world. More to follow…
Peace and love to everyone. – T